


to love again

by mayadrinkswater



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/F, Slow Burn, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26119624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayadrinkswater/pseuds/mayadrinkswater
Summary: Lauren hasn’t been in a relationship since college and while she’s had some casual flings, nothing’s clicked. She’s aware of why (and she hates it), but things change when one of her best friends, Normani, introduces her to her friends.Camila’s boyfriend, for lack of a better explanation, is not right for her, no matter how in denial she is about that. However, he’s good to her, they go on fun dates and he gets along with her friends fine. That doesn’t change that she doesn’t really have too many feelings for him.Everything shifts when Lauren and Camila meet each other. Lauren doesn’t want a crush on a straight girl, and Camila doesn’t think she’s gay, but she does want to know the depths of Lauren and why there’s something so off about the other girl.Because, what is so off about Lauren? And why does Camila kind of want to know all of it and more?
Relationships: Camila Cabello & Lauren Jauregui, Camila Cabello/Lauren Jauregui, Dinah Jane Hansen/Normani Kordei
Comments: 31
Kudos: 71





	1. prologue

A knock is heard at Lauren’s door, and she gets up, “Chris, Mani’s here!”

Her brother exits his room, a jacket slung over his arm, “I’m on my way out, anyway, see you, Laur.”

Lauren nods, opening the door and letting Normani into the small apartment before Chris ducks out, making Normani make a face, “Where’s he going so fast?”

“I don’t know, girlfriend, maybe?” Lauren shrugs before smiling at her best friend, “Hey.”

Normani grins as well, hugging Lauren, “How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in a hot minute.”

“I’ve been alright,” Lauren shrugs, pulling away from the hug and walking towards her kitchen, “Want anything?”

“Just water, Dinah and I had something for lunch,” Normani replies, saying a quiet  _ thank you _ when Lauren hands her a water bottle. “What’re you doing tonight?”

Lauren thinks on it for a second while pressing her fingertips to each other on one hand and holding her water bottle with the other, “Might go to the bar, Lucy told me that she owes me one and I might as well take her up on it before she forgets.”

“Well, after I’m done here, I’m going to Dinah’s. You should come with and finally meet her, it’s been long enough.” Normani suggests before taking a swig of her water, “You know it’s almost been six months. And you’re my best friend. I can’t believe that you still haven’t met her, to be honest.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, “Isn’t that a group thing, though?”

“Well, yeah, Camila’s her roommate and Ally tags along with her boyfriend, maybe Camila’s boyfriend will come too, but they’re nice people. You’d like them.” Normani replies, “C’mon, Lo, do it.”

Lauren shrugs, “I’ll think about it.” She then decides to divert the topic, “So, six months? Anything special?”

Normani smiles dreamily, a look on her that Lauren appreciates. She loves seeing Normani so happy, “Well, when we were dating in college, we had no money, so we made a bunch of peanut butter sandwiches and grabbed Hot Cheetos - because she loves those - and Oreos and went on this picnic. It was in an ugly ass park and there were children screaming like fifty feet away but it was really nice anyway. I think it was like our fourth date or something.”

Lauren nods, “Why’d you guys break up again?”

Normani shrugs, “I was graduating and not staying in California anymore, and Dinah wasn’t sure if she was ready to settle for anything. But… Ally reintroduced us, and now the rest is history.”

She pauses, staring at Lauren for a second with an analytical look in her eyes, “Dinah would  _ love  _ you.”

“How much have you told her about me?” Lauren asks inquisitively, an eyebrow raised. “Nothing too revealing?”

“I told her about your work, told her about how we met through that.” Normani lists, settling down on the couch, “and I told her about how your intimidating thing is the biggest lie of ever.”

“Fuck off,” Lauren laughs, settling down across from Normani on the couch and cracking her waterbottle open, “I’m super intimidating.”

“The fact that you said that makes you so much less intimidating.” Normani laughs, “C’mon, Lo, humor me for one night and meet my friends. I could list everyone that you hang out with on one hand.”

Lauren sighs, despite hating hanging out with new people with no alcohol involved, she’s going to have to meet Normani’s friends someday. Might as well be tonight.

“Sure. Tell me about everyone that’s going to be there, though.” Lauren agrees, taking a sip of her water, “You don’t have to be too specific.”

Normani grins, “Alright, well, Dinah’s my girlfriend, obviously. She’s super welcoming and she’ll absolutely love you. Camila is her roommate, and she has a boyfriend, who’s okay but nothing special. Dinah and I may have a bet going for when they break up, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

Lauren laughs, “I didn’t hear that from you, got it. Who else?”

“Well,” Normani replies, “There’s Ally, I’ve known her since I was born - she’s a sweetheart and loves everyone -, and her boyfriend, Will, who’s pretty chill. He’s really good for her. That’s kind of all of them.”

Lauren nods, “All I’m hearing is a tight-knit group that I’ll be intruding on. And a ploy to get me to meet your girlfriend.”

Normani rolls her eyes, “Trust me. Just one night, you’ll love them and Dinah will at least love you. So will Ally. And Camila will probably like you, too, if she’s not busy convincing us that she  _ loves _ her boyfriend.”

“Why do you have a vendetta over the boyfriend?” Lauren asks, scrunching her eyebrows.

“Listen, there’s nothing wrong with him. Or Camila. They just… overcompensate. Sometimes undercompensate, that depends on the night.” Normani replies, “You’ll understand when you meet them.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, “Fine. Guess I’m meeting your friends.”


	2. chapter one: "it's my girlfriend!"

“I can’t believe you made us late.” Normani chastises, pushing Lauren by the shoulders into the stairwell and muttering, “I’m never late.”

“Calm down,” Lauren replies, following Normani up the flight of stairs to Dinah and Camila’s apartment, “we’re ten minutes late and you told me that these things take forever to start, anyway.”

Normani pushes open the door to Camila and Dinah’s floor, “That doesn’t change the fact that I want to be on time, Lauren.”

Lauren rolls her eyes but shuts her mouth, knowing not to throw more fuel to the fire. Normani walks past half a dozen doors before stopping and knocking at one, 7207.

“China, fucking  _ move _ !” Lauren hears shouting from behind the door and nervously toys with her fingers in her hoodie pocket. She’s not sure if she’s nervous because of the meeting people or the yelling at this point.

“No, it’s my girlfriend!” A second voice shouts before the door bursts open, revealing a tall blonde, who’s hair is pulled into a sloppy bun while holding a brunette on her back in a piggyback. Lauren notices how the taller girl grins at Normani versus how she smiles at Lauren and also notices how the smaller girl is treating the taller one like a pack mule or something.

“Hey, babe,” The taller one smiles, kissing Normani’s cheek before smiling at Lauren, “You must be Lauren, we’ve heard about you.”

She seems to notice the baffled expression on Lauren’s face because she adds, “I’m Dinah, and this is Camila, though she’ll be dead soon so there’s no use in getting to know her.”

The brunette,  _ Camila _ , scoffs, hitting Dinah’s shoulder, “Fuck you. You couldn’t kill me if you tried.”

“I will drop you,” Dinah threatens, intentionally loosening her grip on Camila’s legs, “Don’t test me.”

Camila rolls her eyes and drops down from Dinah’s back, the two of them now letting the other girls into the apartment. Dinah now takes a second to “properly” greet her girlfriend while Lauren stands awkwardly, not sure of what to do. Camila flounders towards the living room, where a tall brunet is sitting on the couch, texting someone.

Normani and Dinah part and Normani points at the brunet, whispering, “That’s Camila’s boyfriend, Shawn. Hopefully, they’ll keep the PDA to a minimum tonight.”

“What the hell are you whispering about over there?” Camila asks, looking up from something Shawn’s showing her on his phone.

“About your vomit-worthy relationship,” Normani sticks her tongue out at Camila, and the smaller girl gasps in mock-offense.

“How dare you!”

Normani shakes her head, “Listen, I’m not the one with a vomit-worthy relationship, you are.”

“I don’t know, you and Dinah are pretty sickening when I hear you fucking in the middle of the night.” Camila replies smugly, “By the way, Mani, you’re quite the pillow princess.” 

Normani clamps her jaw shut, obviously embarrassed, “Mila, I’m going to beat your ass.”

Camila laughs, “I’d love to see you try,  _ princess _ !”

Normani looks at Dinah, “Not even going to defend me?”

“Not when she’s telling the truth,” Dinah snorts, earning a slap on the arm from Normani, “Kidding! Jeez, you know I love you, Mani.”

Lauren stands there, shocked, with the thought  _ what the hell did I just watch,  _ rushing through her head.

Normani seems to realize this because she glances at Lauren and her demeanor immediately changes, “Lauren, sorry that you had to…” She trails off.

“...watch you get exposed as a pillow princess?” Lauren finishes, and the embarrassed look quickly returns to Normani’s face.

Lauren giggles and the other girls laugh too, and Dinah swings her arm around Lauren’s shoulders, “I like you already, Lauser.”

Lauren raises an eyebrow at the nickname but is happy that they’re letting her into their group, so she doesn’t comment on it. Dinah continues on, “Shawn, introduce yourself to Lauren, you scoundrel.”

Shawn looks up from his phone, finally, and stands, holding out a hand to Lauren, “Nice to meet you.”

Lauren returns the handshake, “You as well,” and it easily feels like the most awkward interaction so far.

The tension is broken by a knock at the door that Camila scrambles off the couch to answer - subsequently, she runs right in between Shawn and Lauren - and opens it, revealing a really short girl holding what looks to be a large Tupperware container full of something.

“Allycat!” Camila cheers, hugging the girl.

She hugs back, laughing, “Mila, you saw me like three hours ago.”

Camila grins, parting from their hug, “Where’s Will at?”

Ally shrugs, walking into the apartment, “Some kind of game tonight.” She places the Tupperware on a kitchen counter before spinning around and looking at Lauren and then to the others.

“Ally, this is Lauren, Mani brought her. Dinah already gave her a nickname, too.” Camila explains, and then turns to Lauren, “And Lauren, this is Ally, Normani probably already told you about her.”

Lauren nods at Ally, “Nice to meet you.”

Ally grins, hugging Lauren, “I’m sure you’re amazing with what’s Normani’s said about you.” She pulls away and looks at the other girls, “I’m assuming that none of y’all have picked a movie for tonight.”

Dinah shakes her head, a wide grin on her face, “Absolutely not.”

Ally rolls her eyes, “Well, I brought y’all cookies from the bakery. Camila was supposed to, but she left early  _ and didn’t even tell me _ .”

“I did too tell you!” Camila exclaims, an exasperated look on her face. “I told you this morning that I had to leave early.”

“Okay, you told me that, but you didn’t tell me why.” Ally replies, “And for that, you get no cookies.”

“Rude!” Camila replies, now noticing how Shawn is collecting his things, “Where are you going?”

He shakes his head, “It’s girls’ night. I don’t want to be the only guy here. I’ll call you tomorrow morning, okay babe?”

Camila nods, “Okay, I love you.” The two kiss quickly and Shawn bids his goodbyes before leaving the apartment.

The girls all visibly relax and Camila offers drinks while Normani and Dinah take their place on the smaller of the two couches. Ally asks for wine, Lauren asks for water (she’d rather not have alcohol in her at this moment in time), and Dinah and Normani decline the offer. Camila hands Lauren a water bottle and Ally a wine glass with white wine in it, and it’s now that things are calm again that Lauren can fully take in her surroundings.

The apartment is not big, but it’s not small either. The kitchen is big enough for maybe two people to be able to do stuff in, the dining room has a small table littered with mail and random condiment packets - presumably from takeout places. The living room has one large L-Shaped couch and a small coffee table with a random assortment of scented candles, coasters, and guitar picks on it. Lauren notices that despite the small messes throughout the home (like the few empty glasses in the sink and open cases of old Wii games on the floor), it’s actually relatively presentable and comfy. 

Camila settles down next to Ally on the couch, leaving the spot next to her empty for Lauren.

Ally’s the first to reach out to Lauren, “Lauren, when did you meet Mani?”

Lauren screws the cap back on her water bottle, “I met Mani through work, I was working on a case with a really little kid, I think she was like three or four years old and Mani was the social worker on the case. We were working through some kinks in the case and then she asked me for my number because she said I wasn’t boring.”

“And then we went out for drinks and the rest is history!” Normani grins, “How long ago was that?”

“About a year now,” Lauren replies, nervously toying with the cap of the water bottle.

“Wait, what do you do for work?” Dinah asks.

“I’m an adoption attorney,” Lauren explains, “I deal with the parents adopting kids and all the boring shit that goes into adopting. Totally worth it, though.”

Dinah nods, “Mani mentioned you’re an attorney, but I didn’t know what for.”

“Yeah, I’ve been doing it for a year now,” Lauren says, “What about you guys? What do you do for a living?”

Dinah’s the first to speak up, “I’m a nurse at the local children’s hospital.”

“How do you like it?” Lauren asks.

“I love it,” Dinah replies, a smile slowly creeping onto her face, “The kids are most of the time so great and I have a lot of siblings, so I’m used to kids, and for some reason, they  _ really _ like me there.”

Lauren grins back, “That’s awesome.” She pauses, and Camila takes her opportunity as Ally gets up and heads towards the kitchen.

“I have this really annoying boss named Allyson Brooke Hernandez. Worst person ever. Super mean to me and she doesn’t give me a million dollars an hour, so it’s like… why even work there?” Camila says sarcastically, bursting out laughing when Ally gives her a look from the kitchen, “Just kidding Ally, I love you!”

Ally smiles back at her, “I know, Mila.” She comes back into the living room with a menu in hand, “Camila works at the bakery that my brother and I own. She also teaches music at the music store a couple of stores down from the bakery.”

“So does Shawn,” Camila comments, and if Lauren wasn’t paying so much attention to Camila (there’s something magnetic about her), she’d notice Dinah’s grimace at the mention of Shawn, “He works there full time, though, and he lives in the apartment above it with a couple of friends.”

“His apartment sucks,” Dinah comments, and Camila wrinkles her nose, confused, so Dinah continues, “That stupid party we went to? Remember?”

“Oh,” Realization washes over the brunette’s face, “yeah, that party sucked ass.”

The conversation shifts once Ally hands Dinah and Normani a menu and tells them to pick what they want from it (and Ally explains that they shift around the responsibility of paying for dinner and whoever’s paying gets to pick where they order from). Tonight, apparently, they’re ordering Chinese food, which Lauren’s totally okay with.

After ordering food, they talk for a little longer, and Lauren starts to get the dynamic of the friend group. Ally’s the mom friend, Dinah and Camila can’t be trusted together (yet they live together), Dinah, for some reason, isn’t fond of Shawn, and Camila’s painfully oblivious to it.

Also, as the interactions continue while they wait for the food to arrive, Lauren notices that she keeps looking at Camila too long. She’s not sure if its because she’s beautiful (which she is), because her personality is kind of infectious, or if she’s crushing, but either way, she doesn’t like it.

_ Especially _ because Camila’s straight. She can’t go crushing on a straight girl (it always ends in disappointment).

However, she can’t deny that something is pulling her to Camila, despite how much she doesn’t want it to.

Her thoughts are cut short when Dinah, in the whiniest voice she can muster, asks, “What movie are we watching?”

“No horror.” Camila immediately responds, almost jumping out of her skin when Ally’s phone dings.

“Food’s here,” Ally says before leaving to go retrieve it.

“We could watch  _ A Walk to Remember _ ,” Normani suggests, flipping through Dinah’s DVD collection in her lap.

“No, we watched that the other night.” Dinah replies, setting her phone down on her lap and shooting a warning glance at Camila, “We’re not watching  _ The Notebook  _ or  _ Titanic _ either, Mila.”

“You’re no fun,” Camila whines and turns to Lauren, “What movies do you like, Lauren?”

Lauren shrugs, she’s truly more of a TV show rather than a movie person. “I’m not a movie person.”

Camila nods, at some point between Ally coming back and food being doled out, a movie is turned on, but Lauren’s barely paying attention to the movie.

All she notices is those big brown eyes and how cute Camila is.

And she hates herself for it.

(Because Camila’s straight.)


	3. chapter two: "you're kinda perfect."

Camila is confused.

She’s been confused ever since Normani brought Lauren into the house. She’d heard enough about Lauren, she’d been around when Lauren and Normani became friends and Normani told Camila and Dinah about how there was some kind of wall up with Lauren that she didn’t understand.

Dinah said to Camila in confidence one night that while it sounded like Normani _liked_ her, she knew she didn’t because _holy shit were Normani and Dinah_ _attracted to each other_. Camila’s been friends with Dinah since college, and she watched Normani fall into and then fall out of Dinah’s life. She was the one that recognized Ally hanging out with Normani and made Ally help her get the two of them together again. It’s more than obvious that they love each other.

It was when Camila finally met Lauren that she understood what Normani was talking about. 

First of all, Lauren is gorgeous. There’s no denying that. From the black hair that is cut right below her shoulders to the silver hoop on the left side of her nose and the absolutely ridiculous green eyes, you’d be insane if you said she wasn’t gorgeous. Not to mention, Lauren in a leather jacket and ripped skinny jeans is making Camila’s mind go places that she never thought it’d go to. That’s definitely contributing to her confusion.

Second of all, Camila noticed the wall that Normani spoke of. It started when Lauren walked in (and got quite the greeting into the group dynamic) with how she just stayed quiet and answered questions simply. It continued when she started talking more, explaining her job, and asking the others about theirs. She noticed that Lauren never kept the conversation on herself for too long, and that intrigued Camila to no end.

Third of all, she noticed how Lauren looked. She doesn’t mean that by physical appearance, she means that by how Lauren observes the things around her. She observes things almost as if she’s a mere spectator and unable to interact. She seems to put each person under some kind of microscope as they speak and it makes Camila nervous for some reason.

The last piece of the puzzle was that there  _ is _ no last piece. There’s something about Lauren that makes Camila want to hear the depths of her mind and her views and anything and everything about her that makes her the person that she is. She wants to learn all of the pieces and put them together so that she understands Lauren.

She just doesn’t know how, and it doesn’t help that every time Lauren looks at her her face gets flushed and her thoughts scramble out of her head and her stomach does that stupid flippy-thing it does when she’s anxious.

To summarize; Camila is confused. And she hates it.

-

Time passes and Ally leaves, Normani says she’s not feeling too hot so she goes to Dinah’s room to lay down. Dinah hangs around for a movie longer before also retreating to her bedroom, and that’s when Lauren realizes that Camila’s curled up into the corner of the L-Shaped couch, dead asleep.

“Well,” Dinah says quietly, “My car’s in the shop and Mila doesn’t have her own, so unless you want to take your chances with an Uber at two in the morning, Camila’s made herself comfy on the couch, which means that her bed is free.”

Lauren feels anxiety wrack through her, sleeping in beds that aren’t her own isn’t exactly a simple task for her. However, being a person that’s experienced enough nights where she went out and got drunk and ended up having to take an Uber home super late at night, she definitely does not want to experience that again.

So, she swallows her pride and nods. Dinah nods back and walks Lauren to Camila’s room.

There’s a light on in the corner on a nightstand, which has a stack of books on it. Her bed is big and unmade, but everything’s still in its place. There’s some dirty laundry in the corner by the closet, textbooks stacked on the dresser with earrings and other jewelry scattered on top as well. Her desk is covered with papers and more books along with a laptop. On the chair, there’s a hoodie and propped up next to the chair, there’s a guitar. 

“She’s not exactly a clean person,” Dinah comments, noticing Lauren’s silence, “but her bed’s comfy. I should know, my bed took a couple of days to come in and we shared for that time.”

“Okay,” Lauren says breathlessly, anxiety thrumming through her veins, “Thanks, Dinah.”

“No problem, Lauren,” Dinah gives her a small smile, “also, for the record, I think you’re cool. Not that I doubted Mani in the first place, but you took a while to finally show up.”

Lauren gives her as genuine of a smile as she can muster, “Thanks… Camila won’t mind me crashing here, will she? I feel bad.”

Dinah shakes her head, the smile still on her face, “Chances are, she’ll either see the note that I’m going to leave her or wake me up. So you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it, Lauren.”

Lauren finally nods and Dinah disappears for a minute before returning with a pair of leggings, “These are Mani’s. You two are around the same size and I am fully aware it’s not comfortable to sleep in jeans.”

She finally leaves for good after bidding Lauren a good night and Lauren takes off her jacket and jeans and socks, folding them into a careful stack and placing them on the desk chair. She pulls on the leggings, thankful that they do fit her, and lays down in the bed, noticing how the entire bed radiates a comforting scent that she can’t quite place but already likes.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take her long to fall asleep.

-

Camila wakes to the sun shining in her face and immediately groans.

Her room’s curtains are always drawn tightly for this reason, who opened them?

She blinks again, now realizing that she spent the entire night on the couch.  _ Fuck _ , she sighs, happy that someone at least had the courtesy to put a blanket over her at some point in the night, but upset that she never got to sleep in her bed last night.

She sits up and then stands, stumbling into her bedroom and feeling her heart speed up when she realizes that someone’s in her bed.

_ Who the hell, _ she thinks, inching closer and only being able to see dark hair. She realizes, while squinting in the dark of her room, that it’s Lauren.

She immediately darts into Dinah’s room, hissing, “Dinah! Dinah!”

The blonde girl doesn’t move, and Camila realizes that Normani’s also sleeping in the bed, and despite wanting answers, those two are kind of scary when you wake them up, so she decides not to. 

Instead, she walks back out to the living room, noticing that there’s a sticky note with Dinah’s crooked handwriting on it. 

_ lauren’s asleep in your bed! _ _   
_ _ she’s not a burglar _ __   
_ didn’t wanna wake you up sorry not sorry _ _   
_ __ \- your favorite person ever

Camila sighs, she just wants to sleep a couple more hours. She goes back to the doorway of her room, noticing that Lauren’s only on one side of the bed and it’s not even Camila’s side.

She then makes a snap decision. She has a big enough bed for two people, Lauren’s not on her side, and she wants to sleep.

So, she lays down in her bed, gets under the covers, and falls asleep without a second thought.

-

When she wakes up not four hours later, Lauren’s in the kitchen and looking for something to eat.

“Hey, Lauren.” Camila greets, messing with the sleeve on her hoodie. “If you’re looking for breakfast, all we have is bananas and condiments. Dinah and I normally go shopping today or tomorrow.”

“Oh,” She replies, and Camila feels frustration grow in her chest,  _ why is Lauren so closed off? _

“There’s a McDonalds around the block if you want to get breakfast there. My treat. Especially because Dinah and Mani will sleep all day if you let them.” Camila tries to joke, and it seems to work because she sees a small smile creep its way onto Lauren’s face and mentally cheers in victory.

Lauren seems to think on it for a second before nodding, “Alright.”

Camila grins, “Okay! I’m going to throw on pants, I think you’re good the way you are… you’re kind of perfect… but if you want to change back into your other clothes I can give them to you.”

Lauren seems to flush a little bit at the compliment, but it’s nothing that Camila can pinpoint too well, so the younger girl ignores it. Lauren instead changes the topic, “Do you by chance have a hoodie that I could borrow? It’s cold out and all I have is that leather jacket and the zipper’s kind of broken.”

Camila nods, “I should have something that fits you. C’mon.” She ushers Lauren back into her room, noticing how she’s overly cautious of the other girl’s movements.

She pokes around in the closet for a second before grabbing one of her oversized hoodies, it’s all black with a small rose embroidered on the breast area. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Lauren gives her a small smile and pulls the hoodie on while Camila grabs a pair of leggings in substitute for the jeans that she’s been wearing since yesterday.

“I’ll be right back,” Camila assures her, disappearing into the bathroom to change. She looks herself over in the mirror, making sure that she doesn’t look too insane, although she’s not sure why she cares so much.  _ Lauren’s just a new friend _ , she assures herself,  _ and even though you gave her a shitty first impression yesterday, you’re fixing that now. _

She adjusts the collar of the hoodie a little bit and fiddles with the strings before leaving the bathroom and seeing Lauren sat on her bed, scrolling through her phone. 

She gets the green-eyed girl’s attention by asking, “Ready to go?”

Lauren nods, “Yeah.”

Lauren gets up and shoves her phone into the hoodie’s pocket, and Camila notices how the other girl nervously plays with the sleeves just like she does. She doesn’t comment on it and instead grabs her wallet out of her sock drawer (wild Dinahs like to steal Camila’s cash sometimes) and a pair of socks. She then leads Lauren out of the room and into the living room, where they pull on their shoes.

Camila looks at Lauren, waiting for her to finish, and when she does she gives the other girl a smile, “Alright, to McDonald’s!”

Lauren grins, but all Camila can think is  _ why am I so nervous right now? _


	4. chapter three: "you set pasta on fire?"

Camila bounds down the steps of the apartment building, so much more energetic than Lauren could ever be at this time in the morning (which is roughly ten-thirty).

She can’t help but be entranced by the smaller girl, even though she knows that Camila’s taken and straight (well, until proven otherwise). However, that doesn’t change the fact that even though she’s in leggings, crappy old converse that are separating the more she walks on them, and a  _ Taylor Swift _ hoodie (seems to be from her album, 1989), the girl is still gorgeous. Lauren hates it, she hates crushing on straight girls, it never ends well. Maybe it will end in mediocre sex if the girl wants to experiment, but other than that it plain out sucks.

“How long have you lived in Miami?” Camila asks, and Lauren sees the golden arches in the distance.

“I grew up here,” Lauren replies, “and then moved to Orlando for school. I only moved back here last year.”

She keeps the details brief, only a handful of people know why she was in Orlando so long and she plans to keep it that way. That way, she doesn’t have to think of her ex any longer than needed.

“Really? I moved here when I was five and have been here ever since. I went to California for college, though, that’s where I met Dinah and Mani.” Camila explains, a small smile on her face.

Lauren nods, “I noticed that you have a guitar in your room, how good are you?”

Camila’s face seems to brighten at the question, “I’d like to think I’m good,” She blushes, “but I’m not exactly sure. I don’t really play for people, it’s more for me.”

“I bet you’re great,” Lauren assures her as they step up to the McDonalds. 

She holds the door for Camila, who grins, “Thank you.”

Camila holds the second door open for Lauren, who promptly thanks her as well. They go up to the self-serve kiosk, Camila picking out a strawberry-banana smoothie and pancakes with bacon while Lauren opts for two McMuffins and a water bottle.

They get the number tent and find a seat - a cozy booth in the back of the McDonalds - and sit down across from each other. 

Now that she’s sitting and basically marinating in the sweater soaked in Camila’s scent, intoxicating every thought that pops into her head with Camila, Lauren knows that this infatuation with the younger girl has gone too far for her liking. 

It doesn’t cease when Camila starts talking again, this time talking about how McDonald’s breakfast is one of her favorite things, but it’ll never beat her mother’s cooking or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the middle of the night when you have no energy to make anything else. Lauren finds herself nodding along, and it scares her how much she’s willing to listen to Camila even though it’s nothing important.

Its when Camila’s in the middle of talking about her mother’s best dishes that Lauren really pays attention, catching on especially to, “When we visit Cuba, my grandma tries to teach me how to make dishes, but she gave up a couple of years ago because I am so incapable in the kitchen that I set pasta on fire.”

Lauren looks at her, baffled, “Wait, two questions. You’re from Cuba? And how exactly did you set  _ pasta  _ on fire?”

Camila beams, “Yeah, I was born in Cuba. Lived there until I was five years old, actually. Been here ever since. And don’t even ask how I set that on fire, I don’t know either.”

Their conversation is halted when their food is brought to the table on a tray, the server barely giving them a second glance before taking the tent and walking away.

“I’m Cuban, actually,” Lauren notes, and Camila’s face lights up even more, “but I was born here. Told you that earlier.”

“That’s cool,” Camila grins, pouring syrup haphazardly over her pancakes and smearing butter on them, “Have you ever been to Cuba?”

Lauren shakes her head, “No, but I hope to go down there at some point.”

“If you ever want a tour guide,” Camila cuts a piece off of her pancake, “I’d be willing to. I love visiting.”

Lauren smiles slightly, although in her head she’s contemplating how Camila basically offered to go on a trip to Cuba with her even though Lauren’s barely known her 24 hours. However, she replies, “That sounds like a lot of fun, I’ll think about it.”

They’re quiet for a few minutes, eating their breakfasts, but unlike what Lauren would have thought, it’s not an uncomfortable quiet. It’s a nice quiet, and she appreciates that. The quiet is broken by Camila’s phone buzzing, and Lauren can tell she’s not exactly pleased with the text.

She’s not sure if she wants to ask about Camila’s reaction, she barely knows Camila and it could be a personal matter, but she finds herself blurting out, “What’s wrong?”

Camila clenches her jaw for a second before responding, “It’s my mom. She wants to meet Shawn, but I’m still not too keen on the idea.”

Lauren’s not sure how far she wants to get into the issue, but she’s still curious, so she asks, “How long have you two been together?”

Camila sighs, poking at her food, “Almost six months. It’s just not something serious enough for me to introduce him to my parents.”

“Six months sounds serious,” Lauren comments, but then her face goes red, “Sorry, that was really forward.”

Camila laughs lightly, “It’s fine. Shawn’s just… I don’t know. He’s fun, but we’re just not at that point where I feel like my parents need to meet him. Plus, Sofi’s not too fond of him… so… I’m kind of shit outta luck on that one.”

Lauren raises an eyebrow, “Sofi?”

“My sister. She’s fourteen and sometimes I think she thinks that I walk on water while other days she thinks I’m the most un-cool person to ever exist.” Camila explains, and Lauren notices how Camila’s eyes brighten at the mention of her sister. The smaller girl shrugs, finishing off her bacon, “She’s in high school this year and it’s literally the weirdest thing for me.”

Lauren smiles, “How many years apart are you two?”

“Ten,” Camila replies, “I thought that I’d hate her when she was born, but my mom handed her to me and it was just this moment of… well, I got to protect her from everything.” She smiles to herself before snapping herself out of her thoughts and looking back to Lauren, “Do you have any siblings?”

Lauren finishes off her sandwich before responding, “Yeah, two. Taylor and Chris.”

“How old are they?” Camila asks between eating the last of her pancakes.

“I’m the oldest, I’m twenty-five, Chris is twenty-three and Taylor’s twenty,” Lauren replies with a small smile played on her lips.

“Are you guys close?” Camila asks, sipping on her drink.

Lauren nods, “Taylor’s in school, so I don’t see her as much as I want to, but I live with Chris… so we’re really close.”

Her thoughts scatter as she thinks of why she lives with Chris in opposition to living by herself, but Camila doesn’t seem to notice how Lauren’s demeanor dampens.

There’s a peaceful pause in conversation as they finish the last bits of their drinks, “We should probably get back before Mani thinks I kidnapped you or something.”

Lauren nods and tries to ignore the ever-growing affection for Camila growing inside of her.

-

Lauren pushes open the door to the bar, the immediate stench of beer filling her nostrils. In an odd way, the smell is homey, but it still isn’t a good smell.

The music isn’t pumped up yet, just acting as a low pulse in the background, and the tables are barely full and still clean. There’s a small group in the corner playing darts, but everyone else is just alone or with one other person.

“Lauren!” Lucy cheers from behind the bar, “Hey!”

She grins, Lucy and her wife own the bar and have for roughly two years now. “Hey, Luce.”

She walks up, leaning against the bar and propping herself up on her elbows, “I need to talk to you.”

Lucy raises an eyebrow, “Is this about the girl you were texting me about this morning?”

Lauren rolls her eyes, “Why do I ever ask you for help?”

“You love me,” Lucy replies, a smile on her face, “I’ll get Vero to run the bar for a little while, no one’s here yet anyway.”

She disappears through doors that lead to the kitchen, reappearing a minute later with Vero trailing her. The second girl gives Lauren a smile while Lucy comes around the side of the bar with two beers in hand and leads Lauren to a corner booth.

They sit down and Lucy opens the beers, handing one to Lauren, “Talk to me.”

Lauren takes a sip of her drink, nervously playing with the bottle cap, “Her name’s Camila. Normani introduced me to her.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Lucy asks, and Lauren looks affronted, so the older girl throws her hands up in protest, “Listen, it’s been what, four years since you dated anyone? Sorry for wanting you to finally get back out there.”

Lauren sighs, staring down at the table, “She has a boyfriend. Which, fine, no big deal. I’ll get over it. But then we had breakfast together this morning and… I don’t know how I’m going to get over it.”

Lucy looks at her, silent for a minute, which just makes Lauren more anxious. 

“I wanna meet her.”

“Lucy-”

“No, Lo, I’m serious,” Lucy replies, taking a swig of her drink before continuing, “You know that I have impeccable gaydar. I’ll tell you if you have a chance or not.”

Lauren’s still silent, so Lucy continues, “What’s the harm? You obviously like her and you haven’t felt this way about someone since-”

“Don’t.” 

Lucy gives her a sympathetic look that Lauren wants to boil alive, “I’m just saying, you really feel something for this girl? It’s not a bad thing. Besides, you’ve yet to tell me anything about the boyfriend, is he something special?”

Lauren shakes her head, “She’s been with him for six months but she said it’s not serious enough to bring home… which is just all kinds of weird. I just met her yesterday, though, so I shouldn’t be judging.”

“Wait, what’s his name?” Lucy asks, her nose scrunched, “Because I swear to god, Mani came in the other day rambling about a Don or Pawn or Shawn or something.”

“ _ Pawn _ ?” Lauren asks, laughing.

“Fuck off,” Lucy replies, a smile played on her face.

Lauren smiles to herself, replaying  _ pawn _ in her head, “Uh, yeah, his name is Shawn.”

“Okay. Well, Mani came in the other day and she wouldn’t shut up about him. Apparently she’s frustrated because he doesn’t do anything and Camila thinks that he walks on water or something. Or that’s the front she puts up and she’s miserable.” Lucy explains, “So, based on what you’ve told me, I think you have a shot.”

Lauren gives her a weak smile, trying to ignore the optimism swelling in her stomach. 

“Dude,” Lucy brings her out of her thoughts, “Get her in here and I’ll tell you if you have a shot or not. I think you do, though.”

Lauren smiles at the thought, she can’t help but be hopeful, however, she doesn’t exactly want to take Lucy up on the offer.

What if Camila just isn’t gay? What if she’s been hallucinating this entire thing? She’s not sure if she can face that disappointment just yet, or ever.

So, she finishes off her drink, shakes her head, and says, “It’s not gonna happen.”

Even though she knows that she desperately (very desperately) wants it to.


	5. chapter four: "dinah, he's perfect."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's kind of heavy haha

Camila’s been laying on her bed with her head hanging off the foot of the bed and her feet on the pillows since Lauren and Normani left over two hours ago. She would tell anyone who asked that it’s because her ceiling and the paint starting to chip on it is so fascinating, when in reality, she knows it’s because the green eyes that she saw for the first time yesterday and in her dream last night won’t leave her mind and she doesn’t understand why.

She’s found girls attractive before, half the reason she was so wary of Dinah dating Normani again was that Normani is this flawless beautiful god-like human being that has always scared Camila. That’s shifted in the past six months, obviously, she loves Normani and they’re best friends, but she’s always thought that it was normal to go all slack-jawed around pretty girls.

Here’s something she’s learned, _it’s not._

She’s still swimming in her thoughts when she hears a knock on the doorjamb.

“What’re you doing, Walz?” Dinah asks, and Camila turns her head and looks at her best friend.

“Dunno. How about you?” Camila responds lazily, her hands resting on her stomach.

“You look like you’re malfunctioning,” Dinah comments, “Or you’re drunk… which is stupid because it’s 2 pm.”

“I’m not drunk,” Camila responds lazily, threading her hands through her hair, “I’m… confused.”

“What’re you confused about, Mila?” Dinah asks, sitting on the side of her bed.

Camila lets out a breathless laugh, silent for a few minutes with a contemplative look on her face. She finally sighs, and with a cracking voice, she asks, “How’d you know that you were gay?”

“Mila…”

Camila clears her throat, blinking back forming tears in her eyes, “I… I was thinking today after I went to breakfast with Lauren. There’s this feeling that I get with her that I’ve never felt with Shawn.”

She pauses, obviously thinking, “Shawn asked me to be his girlfriend and I said _yes_. Even though kissing him is weird and laying in his arms is weird and holding his hand feels wrong. Because he’s perfect.” Her voice cracks again, “Dinah, he’s perfect. He’s caring and he’s funny and he pays attention to my little stupid things and he loves me. But I just… I don’t feel it back… and I’ve tried. I’ve tried _so_ hard, Dinah.”

“Mila, come here,” Dinah says, rubbing her leg and then taking her hand. She pulls Camila up and into a hug, rubbing her back as the smaller girl cries.

They’re quiet for a few minutes before Camila calms down and starts laughing, “I can’t believe that I’ve been in a relationship with a boy for six months and I’m _gay_.”

Dinah grins, looking down at Camila, “Do you want an answer to your question?”

“To how you knew?” Camila asks, parting from Dinah and resting against the pillows.

Dinah relaxes next to her, her arm still around Camila’s shoulders, “Yeah.”

Camila nods and Dinah sighs, a contemplative look on her face, “Well, I thought I was straight… and then a girl kissed me when we were drunk in high school and I was like… well this is fun. I’d had the same reaction with guys… so I was confused, but I didn’t really care. I’ve never really cared, honestly.” Dinah laughs lightly, “And then I met Mani and I _knew_ I had a crush on her. Guess that’s fate, in a way… because I fell in love with her then and fell in love with her all over again.”

Camila smiles, she remembers how sad Dinah was when Normani left the first time and how against it she was at first when Dinah wanted to let Normani back into her life so fast and told her that she had to wait. Now seeing how happy Dinah is, Camila’s relieved. She loves Dinah and Normani and anyone that knows them can see that they work so well for each other.

Dinah and Camila are quiet for a few minutes, and Dinah finally speaks up, “I never thought that you were straight.”

Camila looks at her, surprised, “Really?”

Dinah laughs, “Remember when we first met Mani? You were checking her out so hard, which, understandable, she’s hot as fuck, but she’s _mine_ , Walz. Keep your eyes on your own girl.”

Camila laughs, “I will, Dinah, don’t worry.”

Dinah continues, “I remember when we went to that party freshman year and I saw you talking to… what was his fucking name?”

Camila rolls her eyes, “Austin. You hated him.”

“With good reason!” Dinah replies, letting out a small laugh, “He was an _ass_.”

“He was easy.” Camila replies, laughing, “He thought that he could get sex out of me and was so shocked and offended when I told him that I don’t do one night stands.”

“Ass.” Dinah snorts, staring at the ceiling. There’s a pause before Dinah looks over at Camila, “So, Lauren?”

Camila’s face goes red and she looks down at her lap, “Yeah.”

“She’s hot,” Dinah comments, only making Camila’s face go even redder, “And Mani loves her, unlike how she feels about Shawn.”

Camila looks sheepish as she asks, “Does she really hate Shawn?”

Dinah shakes her head, “I don’t think so. I just don’t think that she likes him for _you_. Like… I think Shawn’s fine. You just aren’t meant to be together.”

Camila nods, her new revelation at the forefront of her brain, “I can’t believe… Dinah… I’m gay.”

“And I still love you, Walz. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, obviously.” She hugs Camila again, and when she pulls away she asks, “So… you’re going to break up with Shawn?”

Camila grimaces, she forgot about that part. “I guess.”

-

_Lauren fumbled with the key in her pocket, shakily pulling it out and unlocking the apartment door._ Hopefully, he’s asleep _, she thought, although she knew it’s probably not true._

_“Where the hell have you been?” His voice sent shivers down her spine and she immediately squeezed her eyes shut for a second, trying to come up with the reasonable response that she thought of in the Uber back. She’s coming up blank and the panic was settling into her chest._

_“Sorry,” She apologized, “I was with Lucy and we got caught up planning-”_

_“I don’t care for your explanation,” he sneered, his voice colder than before as he put down the dishes he’s cleaning. “You didn’t tell me that you were coming home late.”_

_“I-I’m sorry,” Lauren stuttered, playing with the sleeve of her hoodie nervously._

_“Stop doing that!” He yelled, startling her, “God, you’re so fucking stupid. Most people know how to send a_ fucking _text.”_

_Lauren tried not to pay attention to the words, she just got accepted to Columbia Law School. She’s supposed to be happy about that, it’s an Ivy League school and she’s going to learn amongst some of the smartest students. She’s not stupid. She’s not stupid. She’s not stupid._

_Yet, all she could say was, “I’m sorry.”_

_He rolled his eyes, cleaning a glass off. “Fucking pathetic.” He took a step, the glass still in his hand. He stepped closer to her, waving the hand holding the glass, “You are_ fucking _pathetic! How do I even know that you weren’t cheating on me?”_

_“I wasn’t cheating on you,” Lauren’s voice came out small and it made her cringe inside._

_“How the_ hell _am I supposed to know that?” He yelled, the glass finally slipping from his grip and to the floor, exploding into small shards with a loud crash. He looked down at it and then to Lauren, the fire never leaving his eyes._

_“Next time you lie to me, the glass isn’t falling on the floor.”_

-

Lauren shoots up, shaking and tears falling down her face as she hyperventilates.

She looks around her dark room, reminding herself that she’s safe and that he’s dead. He can’t hurt her now.

She grabs her phone from the nightstand, the time being the first thing she sees.

_1:53 am_

She takes a shaky breath before unlocking her phone and calling the first number she can think of, Lucy’s.

“ _What’re you doing up so late?_ ” Her voice filters through, clearly tired.

“I…” Lauren takes a deep breath, still trying to keep her composure, “I had a nightmare.”

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Lucy’s voice calms with concern, and Lauren feels more tears creep their way down her face.

“Lucy I can still hear him. He’s been dead _four years_ and I can _still_ hear him.” Lauren cries, quiet for a second before whimpering, “God, I thought that it was over.”

“ _Do you want me to send Mani over? I still have to work but I’ll get her to you._ ” Lucy suggests, and it just makes Lauren’s chest ache with guilt. She doesn’t want to bring Normani into her problems, despite the other girl knowing everything that happened.

“No… I’m fine,” Lauren replies, but she knows Lucy isn’t having it.

“ _I’m calling Mani. Is Chris home?_ ” Lucy asks, and Lauren shakes her head before remembering that Lucy can’t actually _see_ her.

“No, he went to a party. He probably won’t be home for another couple of hours.” Lauren replies quietly, her entire being weighing down with guilt for bringing so many people into something that happened five years ago and will never happen again.

“ _Okay._ ” Lucy says, “ _I’m going to call Mani. Just go get something to drink or something and wait for her to show. I’ll call you in the morning to check in._ ”

Lauren sniffles, her crying finally easing up, “Okay. Thank you, Lucy.”

“ _Always, Laur,_ ” Lucy replies, “ _I love you._ ”

“Love you too.”

The line clicks, signifying that Lucy hung up, and Lauren closes her eyes for a second, a headache building behind her eyes as it always does when she cries.

She gets up, though, and goes into the kitchen. She gets a water bottle from the fridge and sits on the couch, her headache only getting worse as her crying halts.

She decides to get up and wash her face, anything will help at this point, and by the time she’s done washing her face and sitting in the bathroom just taking in the entire situation that’s just unfolded, she hears a knock at the door.

Lauren gets up and answers, and is immediately engulfed in a tight hug from Normani. “I was right around the corner at Ally’s when Lucy called. How’re you feeling, Lo?”

Her compartmentalized emotions come back at full force and she starts crying again, so overwhelmed with frustration and sadness but at the same time so grateful that Normani’s here.

Normani leads them into the apartment and sits next to her on the couch, holding her tightly, “Lo, you gotta talk to me, what happened?”

She calms down and grabs a couple of tissues before explaining, “I had a dream… I’d just fallen asleep like an hour ago, too, but it was something that had happened and it felt like it was all happening again.”

Lauren takes a deep breath and a sob escapes her lips, “Mani, I thought that I was done with him. And he keeps coming back, I just want him to be gone.”

“I know,” Normani replies, hugging Lauren and handing her a few more tissues, “I know it sucks. But you have to remind yourself that you’re safe now. And you have a kickass job and kickass best friends that’ll cross town in the middle of the night to make sure you’re okay. Lucy told me that if I couldn’t help that she’d drop work for you. Not that many people would do that.”

Lauren’s heart swells at the thought of people being there for her, especially because that wasn’t much of a thing when she was with _him_. “Thanks, Mani.”

“Anytime, Lo,” Normani replies, helping Lauren clean up her face and then giving her the water bottle.

Lauren sits with Normani, finally feeling calm for the first time since that dream. She looks over at Normani, who’s visibly exhausted, “Do you want to sleep over?”

Normani nods, and they go into Lauren’s room. Lauren gives her a pair of PJ pants and a random t-shirt from a trip to Long Island.

Lauren settles back into bed and Normani changes before laying down next to her.

It’s quiet for a few minutes before Lauren speaks up, “Thanks, Mani.”

“Never a problem, Laur. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.” Normani grabs Lauren’s hand, squeezing it to reassure her friend.

Lauren smiles, and sleeping this time is much easier.


	6. chapter five: "y'all need jesus."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this took too long to write ❤️

Camila, like any other introvert that she’s ever known, hates bars.

The first issue is the booze, she hates getting drunk and waking up hungover with very fuzzy memories of the night before. The second issue is the amount of people, which, with the bars that Dinah likes normally add up to way too many. The third issue is guys, because while Camila doesn’t consider herself runway-model hot, a shot or two loosen guys up so much that they talk to her constantly despite her telling them to go away. 

Despite what she thinks are three very good reasons, here she is, at a bar, with Dinah, Normani, and Ally.

They’ve never been to this bar before - well, Mani has, and she gave it a good enough review - and Camila’s not sure what to think. Normally she hates the loud music in bars, but this one is much calmer than other bars that Camila’s been to.

Ally’s tipsy but staying with Camila, while Dinah and Normani are having a “friendly” competition. Except, it’s not friendly and it’s definitely sexually charged and definitely going to end in them fucking in the bathroom. 

The competition started roughly an hour ago when Dinah spoke of how she was able to get numbers  _ so easily _ in college - before Normani - and she was wondering if she still had game. Normani scoffed, doubting her, and even though the two have been together longer than Camila had ever been in a relationship, the one thing that you never tell Dinah Jane Hansen is that she  _ can’t  _ do something.

The reason why is because no matter what the task is, whether it be “you can’t pick up a piece of paper,” to “Dinah, oh my god, you can’t install a bathtub,” (yes, there’s a story behind that), Dinah  _ will _ try and not give up until she’s half-dead or accomplished it.

So, that’s how they’re here, watching Dinah and Normani hit on people like they’re not in a committed loving relationship. Camila can tell that they’re half-assing everything and overly judging every single person they interact with, giving each other competitive glares between hitting on strangers and getting their numbers.

_ Oh, these poor people _ , Camila thinks,  _ they have no idea how stood up they’re going to get. _

Ally giggles in her slightly intoxicated stupor, Camila’s committed to not drinking tonight and being designated driver. They watch as Dinah approaches a man with sloppy blonde hair and turns on her “sexy.” (Not that there’s much to turn on, men are too gullible.)

“He’s gonna lose his shit when he looks at her,” Camila says, sipping on her soda, “Watch…”

Ally raises an eyebrow, and they both bust out laughing when the guy turns around to look at Dinah and his eyes triple in size.

“Do you guys think it’ll count if I get your numbers?” Normani asks, sitting down with a new drink in hand, Camila thinks that its something with way more alcohol than flavor but she’s not too sure. 

“Are you striking out that bad?” Camila asks, baffled. Normani, of all people, should not be striking out.

“Nah,” Normani scoffs, glancing over at her girlfriend before huffing and looking back at them, “I have fifteen numbers. Just want to rub as much in her face as possible.”

“What’s the wager?” Ally asks, nibbling on the fries that they ordered maybe twenty minutes ago.

“If I win, we have sex in the bathroom, if she wins… we have sex in the bathroom.” Normani replies with a small shrug and Camila laughs at Ally’s disgusted expression, “Nothing out of the usual. I just want to win.”

“Y’all need Jesus.” Ally comments absentmindedly.

Camila laughs harder, “I agree with Ally, those bathrooms have seen shit you’ll never erase from your memory.”

Normani gives Camila a cocky smirk, “Try me, Cabello.”

Camila shakes her head, if she knew what people did in those bathrooms she’d never be able to use public restrooms again. 

Instead, she changes the topic, “I’m trying to figure out which one of you I want to win the bet.”

“Pick me!” Normani whines, “C’mon, Mila.”

Camila thinks on it for a minute and shrugs, “Okay. The next time Dinah goes up to someone, go up to her and start yelling at her for cheating or just kiss her. Ruins her chances with getting a number or sets you guys up for a threesome. Whatever rocks your… rocks… what’s the saying?”

“Whatever floats your boat?” Normani asks, amused.

“Whatever floats your boat.” Camila exclaims, “Yes, whatever floats your stupid boat. She’s going up to someone now.”

Normani shoots up from her seat and approaches Dinah, watching for a second as Dinah (probably) uses a shitty pickup line before grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around, kissing her.

“Aww, the poor guy must be so confused.” Ally says sympathetically, sipping on her drink.

“Nah, if he’s the way I think he is, he’s excited about two women kissing.” Camila rolls her eyes. She thinks on her words for an extra second before coming to a horrifying realization,  _ people are going to fetishize any relationship that I have with a woman _ .

She talks herself down from that before Dinah and Normani come back, Dinah’s arm wrapped snug around her girlfriend’s waist and Normani practically putting all of her weight on Dinah.

“Who won?” Ally asks, an eyebrow raised at the two - probably drunk - women.

“Mani,” Dinah says, a sour expression on her face.

“We’re off to go have sex now,” Normani grins, pressing a sloppy kiss to Dinah’s cheek and then waving at Camila and Ally, “Bye!”

Camila shakes her head, “She gets so blunt when she’s drunk.”

Ally shakes her head, she’s always been the most conservative when it comes to sex type things in the group. (An example of that being broken was when the girls were shocked to hear Ally had lost her virginity through a game of never have I ever.)

Normani was a close second before she started dating Dinah, who, as you could probably imagine, is very forward with things.

“Hey ladies,” A brown-haired (and objectively very attractive woman) woman dressed in a black button-up shirt cuffed at her elbows and black jeans walks up. The top few buttons are undone, giving her a very business casual look, “Just checking in to make sure that you all are enjoying it here.”

“Do you work here?” Ally asks.

The woman nods, “Yeah, my wife and I own the bar. So I hope you’re enjoying it.”

“We are, thank you,” Camila says politely and then points at Ally, “She loves the fries.”

Ally nods along, “They’re really good.”

“Oh, well thank you,” The woman smiles, pausing a second before asking, “Is it possible that you were sitting with Normani? I could’ve sworn I saw her come over here.”

Camila grimaces, not sure if she wants to tell this stranger that Normani’s off with her girlfriend defaming the bathroom. (Especially because the stranger  _ owns the damn bar _ .)

“She’s in the bathroom.” Ally says, and Camila nods along in agreement.

“Got it, thank you,” She gives them a last smile before waving and walking off, and Camila whips her head over to Ally.

“Who the hell?”

“She said she’s the owner. Also, language!” Ally swats the younger girl’s arm, and Camila sticks her tongue out at her.

-

Normani kisses Dinah again, grunting softly when Dinah presses kisses away from her mouth and down her jaw.

Dinah kisses the same spot on her neck for a minute, sucking gently and definitely creating one hell of a hickey, “Dinah-”

Everything comes to a stop when they hear the bang of a fist against the door and a loud, “Hey! Hamilton! Stop fucking in my bathroom!”

Shock jolts through the two girls’ veins as they pull apart and look at each other with wide eyes, “ _ Shit! _ ”

“Mani!”

Dinah rebuttons the flannel she was wearing and Normani helps her fix her hair before Dinah repays the favor, both of them still watching each other with disbelief. 

Once Normani thinks that they both look presentable, they exit the bathroom, only to be faced with Lucy, who shakes her head, “So this is the girlfriend?”

“I’d hope so,” Normani replies, “She’d be pissed if I cheated on her.”

Dinah gently slaps the older girl’s shoulder, “You’d be dead, babe.”

Normani shakes her head, but when she looks back at Lucy, she suddenly feels the soberest that she’s been in years.

“Fucking?! In my bathroom?!” She exclaims and then sighs, “Mani, we’re friends. I trusted you.”

“Ouch, hit me where it hurts next time.” Normani replies sarcastically, “Is Lo here?”

“Stop changing the subject! Vero’s gonna fucking kill you!” Lucy says, messing with the cuff of her shirt, “Good lord, I give you free booze and you  _ fuck in my bathroom _ !”

“Whatever, I know you’ve definitely seen worse,” Normani says, rolling her eyes, “Now answer my question, is Lauren here?”

Lucy sighs, “Yes.”

“Tell her I’m here, and that Camila’s here,” Normani replies, watching as Lucy’s eyes go wide.

“Wait, which one at the table you guys have is Camila?”

“She’s wearing the red flannel,” Dinah responds, a small smile on her face, “Speaking of, I’m going to leave you two and go bother her. Nice meeting you…”

“Lucy.” Normani helps, and Lucy nods.

Dinah walks off and leaves the two women. Normani stands for a second, waiting for Dinah to be far enough away, “She told you about Camila?”

Lucy nods, an unreadable expression on her face as she rocks slightly on her heels, “Do you think that they have a chance?”

Normani sighs, her eyes anywhere but on Lucy. “I love Camila. And I love Lauren.”

They’re quiet for a second, “...but?”

“You know what,” Normani replies, a slightly exasperated look on her face. “It’s  _ Lauren _ . If Camila truly is straight and this is her first serious crush since…” she trails off, “She deserves so much, and I don’t want to see her disappointed.”

“But you trust Camila? Y’know, if she really is gay?” Lucy asks.

It’s times like this that Normani sees how much Lucy cares about Lauren, and she’s genuinely appreciative of that, knowing Lauren will be okay with Lucy around. She remembers the franticness in Lucy’s voice when she called nearly a week ago, saying that Lauren needed help and she was wondering if Normani could help, offering to go herself if Normani couldn’t all in one breath.

“I trust Camila. She has a huge heart and I couldn’t imagine her hurting Lauren,” Normani replies, giving Lucy a small smile, “and I don’t think Camila’s straight, if that’s any consolation. Tell Lauren to come down, the girls have asked about her since she came over last week.”

Lucy gives her a small nod, “I will.”

-

“Hey, Loser,” Lucy says, walking into the back room where Lauren’s been slowly eating a burger and sipping on water.

“Hey,” Lauren looks up at her with a small smile on her face and puts down her phone, “what’s up?”

Lucy sits down next to her, grabbing a few fries off the plate before responding, “Mani’s here, with her girlfriend. And I think  _ your _ girlfriend’s here too.”

Lauren furrows her brow,  _ she doesn’t have a girlfriend _ , before her eyes widen, “Lucy!”

Lucy throws her hands up in defense, “Listen, if it’s any consolation, the girl  _ reeks _ gay vibes. Like… if smelling lesbians were a thing, she’s like the McDonald’s french fries of gays. Like  _ bacon _ , she smells that much of gay. Like…”

“I get it.” Lauren replies, finishing off her burger, “I’m assuming you spoke to Mani.”

“Yes, I did, and her girlfriend. You didn’t tell me that she was  _ that _ hot!” Lucy exclaims, “Jeez, Lo, you’re my best friend, you’re supposed to tell me this shit.”

Lauren raises an eyebrow, “Aren’t you married?”

“Being married doesn’t stop people from being attractive, Lo,” Lucy replies, and then winks, “And who’s to say that Vero and I haven’t had a threesome?”

Lauren rolls her eyes and stands, collecting her now clean plate and empty water bottle, “Alright, and  _ now  _ I’ve been with you too long today.”

“Aw, come on!” Lucy laughs, following Lauren out of the office and to the kitchen, where Lauren puts her dirty dish and then the water bottle in the recycling.

They stop at the entrance of the kitchen, “Where are they?”

Lucy points to a booth almost in the corner but one over, “They’re there. Dinah and Mani are macking on each other, surprised you didn’t catch that.”

Lauren smacks the back of Lucy’s head, “I’m going to go say hi and then head out. Thank you for dinner.”

Lucy stops rubbing the back of her head and her expression softens, “Anytime, Lo.”

Lauren takes the other girl in for a quick hug, “I’ll call you tomorrow, alright? I love you.”

Lucy pushes the door open to the kitchen, calling back, “Love you too!”


	7. chapter six: "where's ally at?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to bethany who apparently is ally

Camila loves Dinah and Normani. 

They’ve become her people in the last years that she’s known them. However, that all seems to go out the window when they’re less than two feet away basically about to have sex without taking their clothes off in a public place (not only that but in front of Ally? How dare they?).

She’s about had it when she finally smacks Dinah’s arm, “You two,” and then Normani’s, “need to get a fucking room.”

“We would’ve,” Normani sticks her tongue out at Camila, “but  _ someone _ ratted us out.”

“You’re lucky I did!” Camila exclaims, “You would’ve gotten like eighty different STDs from that bathroom.”

“It’s a clean bathroom,” Dinah argues back, obviously still a bit drunk.

Camila rolls her eyes, finishing off her soda and commenting, “Y’all are gross.”

“So are you!” Dinah retorts, taking a sip of her drink.

Camila goes to respond but stops herself when she sees a familiar face approach the table.

The dark-haired girl grabs Normani’s shoulder, startling her for a second until she realizes who it is, “I heard you guys were being a public indecency.”

Lauren.

Camila is suddenly really happy about the dim lighting of the bar, hiding how she’s maybe maybe-not checking Lauren out. (Who can blame her, though, Lauren’s in that stupidly hot leather jacket again.)

Normani groans, “Listen, Camila ratted us out.”

“That doesn’t mean that you guys should be fucking in that bathroom, even I wouldn’t do that.” Lauren laughs (and  _ oh my god if Camila could hear that for the rest of her life _ ) and then looks over at the rest of them, “Hello everyone.”

“Where have you been? Mani and I went around the whole bar and I didn’t see you once,” Dinah asks, the water she’s drinking seeming to help sober her up a little bit.

“Oh,” Lauren nods, “Yeah, my best friend owns the bar. I was in the back room.”

Dinah nods, and Normani chimes back in, “Are you on your way out?”

“Probably. I’ve been here since I got off work, so, I’m probably going to go home and crash.” She replies, “Do any of you need a ride?”

Dinah nods to Camila, “Mila’s the double-D.”

Camila snorts, “In  _ what _ world?”

“Double-D,  _ Designated Driver _ , Walz,” Dinah replies, and then her eyes go wide, “ _ oh _ .”

Camila laughs before looking back at Lauren, who even in the shitty bar lighting looks insanely gorgeous, her green eyes shining. “I’m taking everyone home, I haven’t had a drink.”

“Alright,” Lauren offers a small smile, “Get home safe, everyone.”

-

The bell at the front of the store chimes and Camila sucks in a frustrated breath. She wanted an easy day today, but apparently people really want to come to the bakery.

The frustration melts when she realizes that it’s Normani, who’s definitely here for lunch, and  _ oh no _ , Lauren. They’ve obviously come from work, Normani’s in her more casual uniform (dark blue jeans and a light-gray button-up flowy dress shirt), and  _ holy crap _ Lauren’s hot. She’s wearing a white top and black pants, and despite it being so simple, she’s hot, and now Camila’s face is hot and she’s panicking.

“Mila!” Normani grins, coming up to Camila, “Where’s Ally at?”

“She’s finishing some desserts off. So  _ no _ , you can’t manipulate her into getting a free meal.” Camila masks her ogling with a grumpy attitude, moving over to the register, “What do you want?”

“Oh, Mila, you gotta be nicer to us, your  _ customers _ ,” Normani replies and then gestures to Lauren to further prove her point, but the green-eyed girl is just quietly observing and obviously not paying attention to Normani.

“Suck my-”

“Hey, guys!” Ally grins, coming out of the kitchen with a fresh plate of pastries in her arms, “Didn’t know you were bringing Lauren by, Mani.”

“We had a case together today,” Normani explains quickly, “and we were hungry, so… came here.”

“Alright,  _ what do you want _ ?” Camila interrupts with a whine, “There’s a menu  _ right there _ , so order so that I can go home.”

“Your shift ends in twenty minutes, Mila, calm down.” Ally adds, and Camila groans, today has dragged on for too long (and she has to go to the music store after this for teaching, what a day).

Normani pokes Lauren’s shoulder and then points at the menu, which the green-eyed girl looks at in interest. Camila catches herself noticing how when she’s focused, Lauren sticks her tongue between her teeth slightly and taps her fingers against her leg. It’s kind of endearing.

“Well, you know what I want,” Normani says, “same as always. What do you want, Lo?”

“Uhh,” Lauren stops drumming her fingertips against her leg, “I don’t know, what do you guys recommend?”

Normani smirks, “You know what I recommend-”

“ _ Not _ you, Mani,” Lauren retorts before looking between Ally and Camila, “you two work here. What do you recommend?”

Ally looks at the menu and scrunches her nose slightly, thinking. Camila thinks for a second before her eyes go wide, “Alright, how big a fan are you of shit that will kill you but in like ten years?”

Lauren gives her an amused look, her green eyes flickering with excitement, “Pretty big. What do you suggest?”

“Well, Ally makes the most unhealthy bacon grilled cheese that you’ve ever had with fresh fries,” Camila says, looking maybe a bit too victorious.

“I’ll take it,” Lauren agrees, “and a water bottle.”

“Alright,” Camila replies, ringing the two orders up on the register (Normani always orders the fried chicken when she comes here, the perks of it being southern food mixed with a bakery), “your total is…”

“Covered. Especially because it’s Lauren’s first time here.” Ally says, giving them a smile. “Mila, can you come help me prep in the back, please?”

Camila nods at Ally and quickly looks at Normani and Lauren, “Your food will be out eventually, sit down somewhere and don’t make a mess. Also, Lauren, you can grab a water bottle from the thingy over there.”

She points at the fridge full of sodas and waters and whatnot for the customers, and the two nod. Camila follows Ally to the back with a confused expression on her face, “What do you want help with? Better question, why? I almost killed-”

“You like that girl,” Ally deadpans, and Camila’s face drops in shock. How did  _ Ally  _ figure it out?

“Uh…”

“Mila.”

“I have a boyfriend.” Camila defends, throwing her hands up.

“Okay? And? There’s no record of that ever stopping someone from having a crush.” Ally replies, preparing Lauren and Normani’s food, “And I can tell that she reciprocates. What are you doing, Mila? Are you going to break up with Shawn and lead her on or stay with Shawn while giving her googly eyes? Because I prefer one a lot more than the other.” 

Camila’s speechless. Ally’s never been one to meddle much in anyone else’s business without asking. The only real time she had it was because she wanted to help Camila bring Dinah and Normani back together.

“Mila?”

“I’m going to break up with him,” Camila says quickly, running a desperate hand through her hair, “I… I talked to Dinah about it the other day. Shawn and I have just been busy at work and it hasn’t been the right time.”

“Camila,” Ally’s look softens, and she quickly assembles the grilled cheese on the pan before looking back at her and wiping her hands on her apron, “You know that I love both you and Shawn. I introduced you to him. Don’t drag this out, Mila, it’s only going to hurt the two of you in the future.”

Voice small, Camila responds, “I know.”

“Well, your shift is up in ten minutes,” Ally says, still cooking as if she hadn’t given Camila life advice that everyone knew she ended, “If you want to head out early so that you can talk to Shawn…”

Camila shakes her head, “No, let me help you finish up, and then I’ll head out.”

Ally gives her a small smile and instructs her quickly on finishing Lauren’s grilled cheese while she makes the fries and Normani’s fried chicken.

“Als?” Camila asks after a couple of minutes of busied silence.

“What’s up?” Ally responds, grabbing plates and then shooting a glance at Camila.

Camila bites her tongue slightly, trying to think of the least abrupt way to ask her question. Unable to think any harder about it, she blurts out, “Did you think Shawn and I were good together?”

Ally’s quiet for a second (not that her working stops, Camila swears the smaller girl never stops moving), and after putting a helping of fries on each of the two plates, she replies, “You’re not bad for each other, Mila. You’re just… not right.”

Camila’s quiet, pondering what Ally could mean, and Ally continues, “You guys are comfortable for each other. You were friends before this and I won’t be surprised if things stay that way after. And Shawn’s good, he’ll understand when you explain it to him.”

Ally gives her a pointed look with that last sentence, “And you  _ will _ explain it.”

Camila smiles slightly, happy that Ally cares despite basically advising her best friend to break her other best friend’s heart.

Ally and Camila finish plating the food, and before she picks it up, Ally wraps her arms around Camila in a tight hug, “You’ve got this, Mila, okay? And I’m proud of you.”

Camila wraps her arms around Ally just as tight, “Thanks, Allycat. I love you.”

“Love you too.” Ally gives her a smile, pulling away and grabbing the plates, “Alright, time to feed the animals.”


	8. chapter seven: "it's just a cigarette."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's not all angsty like this i swear

_ “Hey, Lo!” Lucy walked into Lauren’s room, and her jaw immediately dropped. _

_ Lauren was sitting in the windowsill, a sketchbook on her lap, intricate drawings of random stuff on the page. That wasn’t what put Lucy off though. _

_ Lauren was smoking. _

_ She seemed to figure out quickly that she wasn’t supposed to be caught, because she quickly threw the cigarette bud out the open window and put her sketchbook down, looking sheepishly at Lucy. _

_ She looked baffled. _

_ “Lauren-” _

_ “Lucy it’s nothing.” Lauren insisted, “it’s just a cigarette, Brad gave me some.” _

_ Lucy’s jaw clenched, Lauren knew that she didn’t like the boy that Lauren’s father had set her up with. However, Lucy was Lauren’s best friend. It’d been that way since the first day of kindergarten. She’d be damned if she let a stupid high school relationship in the middle of that. _

_ “Lauren, you shouldn’t be smoking,” Lucy replied. She was quiet for a second, obviously thinking before saying anything stupid. She’d always been the less impulsive one in their friendship. _

_ “It’s not that bad, Lucy,” Lauren replied, grabbing her phone off of the windowsill and shoving it in her pocket, “calms me down, actually.” _

_ Lucy’s blood boiled at that, “Not that bad?!” _

_ Lauren shrugged, not meeting Lucy’s eyes, “It’s not. I’m not smoking like a pack a day or anything.” _

_ “You shouldn’t be smoking  _ any _ a day!” Lucy exclaimed, “You think you’re hot shit because you’re dating someone in college? You’re seventeen, Lo, don’t throw your fucking life away for  _ Brad _!” _

_ Lauren rolled her eyes, but when she finally met Lucy’s eyes, her green eyes were filled with venom that made Lucy sick to her stomach, “It’s just a cigarette. Besides, at least I’m getting something. How’re things going with you and Vero again?” _

_ Lucy clenched her jaw, Vero had been a sore spot for the past few weeks since the girls had gotten acceptance letters to separate colleges. _

_ She didn’t utter another word before picking her bag up again and leaving, plans for an impromptu sleepover (something that was very normal in their first three years of high school) left in shatters. _

_ It wasn’t until she got home that the tears fell, pain ripping through her as Lucy felt Lauren slip through her fingertips. _

-

It was an accident.

Lauren  _ swears _ it was an accident.

Okay, well, maybe scrolling through (ahem,  _ stalking _ ) Camila’s Instagram was on purpose, but liking a photo of Camila and her younger sister from almost a year ago because she dropped her phone on her face was an accident.

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ you’re a bad stalker jauregui _

Lauren feels her face flush at that, helplessly smiling to herself like an idiot and turning over her phone on her bed so that she doesn’t have to look at the message anymore out of sheer embarrassment.

After a few minutes of letting herself calm down (and maybe her Nala plushie staring her down from where it’s positioned on her shelves), she groans and opens the message.

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _...would you believe me if I said that my phone fell on my face? _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ you were still stalking you dingus _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ I mean _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ Yeah _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ what’re you up to other than stalking me _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ also never get caught stalking dinah she’ll never let you live it down _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ Noted. _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ And I wasn’t up to anything. Just passing time, couldn’t sleep. _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ i’m never asleep at this time lol _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ oh!! i forgot to ask, did you enjoy ally’s heart attack grilled cheese? _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ I did, it was really good. Thank you for the recommendation. _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ you won’t be thanking me when you die bc they’re so good and you won’t be able to stop eating them _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ That doesn’t sound like a bad way to go _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ that’s true _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ you didn’t even try her cookies or pastries THEY’RE SOOOO GOOD _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ I’ll try them the next time I visit _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ What’re you up to? _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ nothing _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ actually, do you have work tomorrow? _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ No, tomorrow’s Saturday _

**_laurenjauregui_ ** _   
_ _ Why? _

**_camila_cabello_ ** _   
_ _ gimme your address, we’re going on an adventure _

-

Camila throws on a hoodie and swaps her sleep shorts for leggings before grabbing her keys and phone and dipping out of the apartment and to her car. 

She turns the car on and loads Lauren’s address into her phone, thoughts running through her head at a million miles per hour.

She knows that asking someone to go on an adventure with her at ten o’clock at night is a little weird (okay, a lotta weird), but she couldn’t help but want to do something. She’s been antsy all day and normally she’d use songwriting to air her frustrations with the world, but she can’t focus.

She’s also excited to spend time alone with Lauren, something that she’s been craving since that first morning that they went to McDonald’s. There’s something just so intoxicating about Lauren, and Camila doesn’t think that that has to do with just a crush.

Camila finally arrives at Lauren’s apartment and texts her to come down.

And  _ god damnit _ , Camila thinks, because even in what Camila presumes is Lauren’s sleep clothes, she looks hot. Her hair’s in a messy bun, she’s wearing a  _ The 1975 _ hoodie that comes right past her palms, and black leggings.

Camila unlocks the car and Lauren clambers into the passenger side, a smile on her face, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Camila grins back, “alright, ready for an adventure?”

Lauren shrugs, “I don’t know, are you going to kill me?”

“Only if you want me to,” Camila replies, putting the car in reverse and pulling out of the parking lot, “but we’re going to the beach if you’re wondering.”

“Alright,” Lauren says, fiddling with the sleeve of her hoodie again, “What sparked this?”

Camila bites her lip, she doesn’t really know what sparked this. She just knows that one second she was laying in her bed, beneath the warm covers on her bed and listening to music with the sound of Dinah and Normani laughing at a show in the background and the next, she was inviting Lauren on an impromptu adventure to the beach.

“Boredom, I guess,” Camila says with uncertainty laced into her tone, “and you were around.”

Lauren seems to accept that answer, shutting up and listening to the gentle music playing in the car.

After ten minutes, the two girls pull up to the beach, which, aside from a few people congregated around a firepit, is empty.

They get out of the now off car and Camila looks out at the ocean for a minute, not that much is visible in the darkness aside from the moonlight bouncing off the ocean. She turns her head to look at Lauren, who even in the darkness she can see that the older girl is infatuated with the ocean.

“Ready to go?” Camila asks, pulling off her sneakers and socks and throwing them in her seat.

Lauren crinkles her nose at her, confused, “What’re you doing?”

Camila laughs, “I love the beach as much as the next person, but that doesn’t mean that I’m fucking up my shoes with sand.”

Lauren replies with, “Oh,” and follows suit, taking off her socks and sneakers and putting them in the car as well. “Alright then, lead the way.”

Camila nods, trotting ahead with Lauren behind her, passing through the gate to the beach. Lauren stays no more than ten steps behind the younger girl, the ocean getting louder as they get closer.

“Sucks that it’s getting colder, I love the ocean,” Camila comments once they stop, roughly fifty feet away from where the tide is coming in. 

Lauren’s quiet, which is something that Camila kind of admires about her. She really likes how the older girl takes in her surroundings and thinks about things rather than jump straight in.

Her green eyes are glittering under the moonlight and her hands are hidden in her hoodie pocket as she quietly looks out at the ocean, something that Camila would also be marveling at if Lauren wasn’t  _ right here _ .

Lauren finally breaks the silence, “I haven’t been here in seven years.”

Camila’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head, “Seven years?”

“Yeah,” Lauren replies quietly, almost so quiet that Camila can’t hear it above the waves, “my family and I came down here before I moved for college. I guess I’ve been so infatuated with work that I haven’t made time to come back.”

Camila smiles to herself, a small part of her happy that she was the one to bring Lauren to the ocean, even though she hasn’t known her too long.

“Have you ever been here at night before?” Camila asks, and Lauren’s eyes finally land on her.

“No,” She replies, “but I’m glad that I have now, it’s gorgeous.”

“Yeah,” Camila agrees, “Dinah was actually the one that showed me it. We might have been drunk, but she told me that she literally got lost on her way home and ended up at the beach.”

She sits down on the sand and Lauren follows. They sit in silence for a little longer before Camila asks, “Wanna play twenty questions?”

Lauren snorts, “Why?”

“Because,” Camila shifts, facing Lauren, “I’ve only known you a couple of weeks. And I know you have siblings and that you’re Cuban and that you grew up here, but that’s like… it. I want to know more about you, especially if Mani plans on keeping you around.” (and maybe because she has a crush on Lauren, but she’s not going to  _ say _ that.)

Lauren looks contemplative for a second before responding, “Alright, you start.”

Camila grins, looking contemplative for not even a second before asking, “What’s your favorite color?”

Lauren rolls her eyes playfully, “Black. You?”

“Depends on the day,” Camila replies, “but today I think it’s green.”

She doesn’t miss the way that Lauren ducks her head at the comment and breathes out a quiet laugh before rebutting, “Alright, what’s your favorite food?”

“Bananas,” Camila responds easily, “I have one with every meal, actually.”

“Every meal?” Lauren asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Every meal,” Camila confirms, “How about you?”

“Um,” Lauren looks back out at the ocean, obviously thinking, “Nothing beats my mom’s cooking. When I can’t get that, I’d probably say McDonald’s french fries, though those are more of a guilty pleasure than anything.”

“Do you see your family often?” Camila asks, her voice soft.

Lauren visibly bites her lip, not meeting Camila’s gaze, “Not as much as I probably should. How about you?”

Camila wants to press further, but doesn’t, “I go to my parent’s house like once or twice a week. It’s weird not living with them and my sister anymore, but Dinah’s a good substitute for most of the crazy.”

Lauren laughs lightly, “How long have you and Dinah been friends?”

“Since college. We were roommates freshman year and I  _ hated _ her at first because she was so loud and I was  _ not _ used to it. But, one morning, we walked to breakfast together and this idiot came up to us and started hitting on me, she noticed I was uncomfortable and told him to fuck off and  _ boom _ , best friends ever since.” Camila explains, smiling as she reminisces. “And then in junior year, she met Mani, and I think you know how that went.” 

Lauren nods along, quiet for a minute before Camila asks, “How’d you meet Mani?”

Lauren runs a hand through her hair, “Well, I’m an adoption attorney, so I work with parents who are trying to adopt kids. One day I had this case, a little girl, and Normani was her social worker. We’d finished at the courthouse and the parents adopted her, but as I was leaving, she caught up with me and mentioned how she hadn’t seen me around before.” She pauses, “So… we exchanged numbers and pretty much the rest is history.”

Camila’s quiet for a second before blurting out, “Before she brought you over, Normani talked about you constantly. She was like,  _ I was at Lauren’s yesterday and she still won’t meet you guys. _ She’d get  _ so _ mad about it, too, she was like deadset on us being friends.”

“It wasn’t much different on my end.” Lauren replies, a small smile on her face, “She was like  _ you’re so boring, you have two friends and I have people that you’d get along with _ . I gave in that night because I knew I just had to so that she’d shut up.”

Camila asks, “Was it worth it?”

Camila almost misses the look of affection in her eyes when Lauren responds, “Totally.”


	9. chapter eight: "i love you, but..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shawn's good. lauren's having a rough time. i'm sorry

Camila thinks that she spends too much time thinking sometimes.

This thought was brought up after she spent an hour of her work time thinking about every single possible way that breaking up with Shawn could be catastrophic.

First, even though she’s realized that she’s not attracted to him, she still loves him. They’ve been best friends for years now and she doesn’t want to lose that. Especially because as much as she loves Dinah, the younger girl doesn’t share the same exact passion for making music as she and Shawn do. She’s humored with Dinah about what would happen if one day the name _Camila Cabello_ was in lights, but Shawn’s told her multiple times that if she were to put in the effort, she might have a fighting chance. She really doesn’t want to lose that.

Second, he could not believe her. He could say that she’s confused, that she’s only known a couple of weeks so _how can she be so sure_ , that she’s only been with guys so _how could she be gay_? She doesn’t think that Shawn is like that, but some people are really ugly inside and too good at hiding it. She knows that to be true, especially after a dingdong in high school led her on for three weeks only to try and have sex with her.

And third, her worst fear, what if she _is_ wrong? It’s almost been too easy coming out so far. Granted, it was only to Dinah, but it’s felt too easy. She’s heard the horror stories. Dinah’s own mother took three months to come around to Normani and Dinah dating (and it was also kind of ugly when they broke up, but that’s a story for another time). She’s seen the news where kids are sent to conversion camps or forced to date people of the opposing sex so that their parents aren’t embarrassed by them. And she knows that her mother could care less, she’s always been telling Camila that she needs to get out more often. She also knows that her sister doesn’t care, she doesn’t even like Shawn that much, saying that he’s boring. Her dad, on the other hand, she knows he loves her, but the man’s never been one to comment much about gay couples. So, what if she’s wrong? What if she comes out and it doesn’t go well, only to come back a couple of months later and say _oops, guess I put everyone through hell for no reason._

She shuts down the fear the way that she has since it started. She’s always found girls attractive (and brushed it off as, wow, _to be her_ , even though there have been girls that have given her butterflies), she’s never enjoyed kissing a boy and just thought people were lying when they said it was magical, and she did feel like everything clicked into place when she finally uttered that she’s gay to Dinah. However, while things clicked into place in her head, it didn’t mean that in the real world things had changed all that much.

She’s still straight to everyone but Dinah and Ally (she still can’t believe that Ally figured it out, but okay), she’s still with Shawn, and she still doesn’t know how to cook. So, maybe she’s figured out one piece of the puzzle, but there’s still so much else that she has to do.

“Walz!” Dinah makes her presence known as she walks into the music store, which, before the blonde arrived, was very peaceful and quiet. She’s in her scrubs, making Camila think that she’s just gotten off work.

“Hey,” Camila smiles at her, slowly spinning in her chair. “What’re you doing here?”

“I was down at Ally’s bakery and thought I’d stop by seeing that your shift ends in fifteen minutes and Mani’s working late tonight.” Dinah replies, leaning on the counter that separates the two, “We could go to the grocery store, get some snacks and watch movies or something? I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever.”

Camila rolls her eyes, “I live with you.”

Dinah scoffs and Camila laughs, “Don’t worry, China, I know what you mean. Sounds like fun.”

Dinah grins, “So, have you talked to Shawn yet?”

Camila bites her tongue and utters, “Not yet.”

Dinah’s chipper mood falters, “You should talk to him, Mila.”

“I know,” Camila sighs, suddenly a little too interested at the pencil in her hand. “I will.”

Dinah’s quiet for a minute before giving Camila a look, “Alright, how about this? Give me a list of stuff you want for tonight, I’ll go out right now and grab it from the place down the street. While I’m gone, you talk to Shawn. Things look pretty dead in here, anyway.”

Camila nods, anxiety bubbling in her stomach as she responds, “Alright.”

Dinah smiles at her, “Get up.”

Camila follows, and Dinah comes around the counter to wrap the smaller girl in a hug, “Love you, Walz.”

Camila hugs Dinah back just as tight, if not tighter, and replies, “I love you, too, D.”

Dinah steps back after a minute and ruffles Camila’s hair, “I’m heading out. Gimme your keys.”

Camila grabs her car keys out of her pocket and gives them to Dinah, presuming that the younger girl just got a ride with Normani. “Don’t crash!”

“I will!” Dinah calls as she leaves.

Camila grins, but the smile falters once she realizes what she now has to do. It’s 6:59, so she decides to start locking up, no one’s coming at this point.

Once she’s done locking up, she goes down the hall to Shawn’s office, where she hears gentle piano music through the slightly ajar door. “Hey, Shawn?”

“Come in!” Shawn’s voice is heard from the other side.

Camila opens the door, revealing Shawn sitting at his desk with his feet propped up on it, his laptop in his lap, and a bouncy ball in one of his hands.

“Hey, Camila, what’s up?”

Camila fidgets slightly, a million thoughts shooting through her head. “I have something to talk to you about.”

Concern grew on the younger one’s face, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s… wrong.” Camila bites her tongue, trying to figure out the best words, “You know I love you.”

“Okay? I love you too.” He replies, putting the laptop back on the desk and sitting up in his chair. He looks confused, and it only makes Camila’s heart lurch. She _really_ doesn’t want to hurt him, but she knows it’s going to.

Camila messes with the ends of her hair slightly before tapping her fingers against the back of the chair in front of her and then blurts, “I love you, but I’m not _in love_ with you.”

Shawn’s quiet, and Camila just takes it as a cue to go with her nerve-filled explanation, “I… you’re my best friend, Shawn. And I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I probably won’t ever be in love with you… and it’s because I’m gay.” It still almost gets caught in her throat every time she says it.

Camila doesn’t even realize that there are a few stray tears running down her face until he gets up and hugs her, making a sob escape her lips.

“Hey,” He soothes, rubbing her back, “It’s okay, alright?”

She sniffs, squeezing her eyes shut as a way to stop the tears from flowing. “I’m _so_ sorry, Shawn.”

Shawn parts from her, still holding her hand in his as he leans back against the desk in an awkward sitting position, “Listen, I’m not going to say it doesn’t suck, because I _do_ love you, Camila,” he pauses, and she sees tears building in his eyes as his voice cracks, “but that also means that I want you to be happy. And if that’s not with me, as long as it’s not because I like… smell or something,” the two let out light laughter and Camila feels weight coming off of her shoulders, “I’m okay, Camila. I only want what’s best for you.”

Camila’s quiet for a minute before hugging him, “Thank you for not hating me.”

“Who’s that gonna benefit?” He asks, laughing, “You’re still one of the dopest people I know, straight or not. Besides, you’re kind of annoying, you know that?”

Camila laughs and pushes him away by the chest, “You’re a jerk.”

Shawn laughs along. The laughter dies within a minute, and he looks at her longingly, “So, who’s the girl?”

Camila sighs, trying to suppress a smile that comes anyway.

“It’s Lauren.”

Shawn nods, “She’s pretty.”

Camila flushes, not meeting his eyes, “She is, isn’t she?”

-

_“Lauren,” Her father called, “Come downstairs, we have company!”_

_Lauren groaned, adjusting her shirt slightly before going downstairs. She’s in a nice-ish black flannel and white jeans, not something that would be considered unattractive but also not something that would be considered exactly “formal” (especially because she’s wearing socks that have dogs plastered all over them)._

_She goes downstairs and sees her siblings crowded around each other, looking at something on Chris’ phone, her mother’s nowhere to be found, and there’s a couple with a boy that she had seen floundering around school._

_Her father caught sight of her, “Lauren,” he gave her a smile that she’s seen too many times to think it’s real, “These are the Simpsons. This is Anne and Derek,” he pointed at the couple, “and this is their son, Bradley. He’s a junior at your school.”_

_The boy was nothing too impressive, with curly brown hair and thin lips that could possibly be classified as invisible. He had brown eyes that reeked some kind of fake kindness and offput Lauren, but before she could think too much into it her father spoke again._

_“Introduce yourselves, you’re going to be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months.”_

_The coming months were ones that Lauren now heavily regrets._

_The first month included her first experience drinking. She got so drunk one night that she woke up in a stranger’s bed (luckily, the girl didn’t care too much. Her name was Ashley and she gave Lauren an aspirin and some water before going back to bed). She also came back home late one night, and while her mom was concerned, her dad brushed it off as her being a teenager._

_The second month involved her first time being high. She was given marijuana, and it made her feel light and happy. It took the stress of school away. It allowed her to not be so hard on herself for finding some girls attractive. It also allowed for her to almost get arrested if it weren’t for Brad’s quick dodge through an alleyway._

_The third month was her first big fight with Lucy. Lucy told her that she was worried about her. She said that she didn’t like Brad and that he was hurting Lauren more than he was helping her. Lauren retaliated that she’d finally found someone that cared about her. Someone that brought pain away. Someone that held her when she was sad._

_She just didn’t see that while he was holding her, he said the word “but” a lot. “You were kind of stupid, but, I got you. We’ll be safe together.” “You don’t look great, but you don’t look ugly. Let’s go.” “You’re doing great, baby, but you could’ve done better.”_

_It was barely a surprise in the sixth month when she went home with bruises on her wrists that she brushed off as him grabbing her too hard for “just a second, I swear.”_

_She should’ve listened to Lucy before bruises on her wrists turned into slaps and then into skin breaking and bleeding and then into broken bones that took too long to heal._

_She should’ve seen it coming._

_She didn’t._


	10. chapter nine: "dinah doesn't get a vote."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst ✨ and ot5 hanging out

_ “Lauren,” Lucy said, grabbing the green-eyed girl by her arms and stopping her rampant pacing, “stop. Take a deep breath. He’s gone, he can’t hurt you anymore.” _

_ “No!” Lauren shook herself free of Lucy’s grip. Lucy only wrapped her arms around Lauren’s torso, keeping her still, “Lucy, you don’t get it! I feel his hands on my neck, I feel my ribs breaking again, I feel my jaw being dislocated again! Do you not understand how  _ fucking _ painful that is?” _

_ Lucy lowered the two of them to the ground, “I understand that. I’m not trying to belittle what happened to you. I  _ am _ , however, trying to get you thinking straight before you do something stupid. Okay? Take a deep breath.” _

_ Lauren whimpered, tears still running down her face as Lucy eased her hold on her, “Lucy, I can feel his fucking hands on my throat.” _

_ “I know,” Lucy responded, her voice soothing as she tried to get Lauren to calm down, “I know, Lo.” _

_ Lauren was quiet for a minute, sobbing into her hands as Lucy rubbed her back. Lucy was too familiar with calming Lauren down after panic attacks or bad nightmares (or, on the really bad days, both at the same time).  _

_ “Lucy, why me?” Lauren asked quietly, “What did I do to deserve this shit?” _

_ “You didn’t do anything. None of what happened was your fault.” She catches Lauren’s glance, “Repeat that back to me. None of this…” _

_ “None of this was my fault,” Lauren finished, her eyes finally meeting Lucy’s. She repeated the sentence a few more times, and Lucy felt her own racing heartbeat finally calm down. _

_ “Lo, I know it sucks, I get it, you just have to remind yourself that  _ nothing _ you did made you deserve what he did to you.” Lucy said, “Okay?” _

_ Lauren nodded, staying quiet and just letting a new calm wash over the room. Lucy could still feel the underlying tension, though, and a couple minutes passed before she asked, “What’re you thinking?” _

_ There was a tense silence between the two girls before Lauren bit her lip and responded, “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t here.” _

_ Lucy felt her stomach drop through the floor and she almost choked on her words, “What do you mean, Lo?” _

_ “I…” Lauren paused, obviously trying to gather her thoughts, “I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if one night when he drew blood that if he’d hit the wrong artery. What would he do if he  _ actually _ killed me? Who’s to say that when he died he wasn’t trying to come and kill me?” _

_ Lucy was quiet and Lauren kept going, “And sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and my heart pounding in my ears and,” her voice cracked, “I just think it would be easier… if I weren’t around.” _

_ “Lo…” _

_ “No,” Lauren replied, “Think about it. I’ve called you in the middle of the night too many times to count when you could’ve been spending time with your  _ wife _. I don’t talk to my dad because he got me into the situation in the first place, and I’m so far away from them that no one would really be able to stop me.” _

_ Lucy wanted to beg Lauren to never think about it again. She wanted to scream at her that she was there because she wanted to be, not out of obligation. She wanted Lauren to see everything good coming for her. _

_ But all of those words got stuck in her throat, so she just held Lauren a little tighter. _

-

The girls are all at Ally’s apartment the weekend after Camila breaks up with Shawn, helping plan for her wedding.

Dinah, for lack of a better term, is being utterly useless by sprawling out on the couch and scrolling through Instagram. Lauren’s helping Normani pick out flowers and a venue. Camila’s with Ally, trying to narrow down the best bakeries aside from their own in the area.

“Dinah Jane!” Ally calls, making the blonde shoot up from where she’s on the couch, “Get over here and make yourself useful.”

“But  _ Ally _ ,” Dinah whines, pouting, “I don’t wanna.”

“If you  _ don’t wanna _ help then I  _ don’t wanna _ give you dinner tonight. Get your butt in here.” Ally retorts, “By the way, y’all are my bridesmaids and Mani’s maid of honor. Fight about it and none of y’all are getting cake.”

Camila notices out of the corner of her eye how Lauren goes stiff for a second before relaxing again, and although she’s curious as to why she reacted that way, Camila’s a lot more scared of Ally at the moment.

“You guys should get the cake from the place like… three blocks away from me and Mila’s place.” Dinah says, grabbing chips out of the cabinet.

“Fix your grammar.” Camila snorts, grabbing the chips out of Dinah’s hands, “Also, that place sucks. They opened a year after us and stole half our business.”

“How do they suck if they stole half your business?” Dinah retorts, earning a smack to the hand when she goes to take the chips back. She pouts at Camila, but the smaller girl doesn’t budge, only giving Dinah a glare in return.

“I’ll ask Will to pick up a cupcake assortment from there, we can taste test them next weekend or the next time we all have free.” Ally replies, circling something on one of her many many lists, “Wait, Dinah, you’re not staying for dinner, right? Don’t you have work?”

“Yeah, and the hospital’s ten minutes away and my clothes are in the car.” Dinah responds, reaching for the chips again and getting smacked again, “Mila, I hope you have a ride home.”

Camila nods, “I do, don’t worry too hard about me.”

“I didn’t, Ally would keep you well fed here.” Dinah replies, “And give me those chips back, I’m hungry.”

Camila grumbles but hands them back while Normani interjects herself back into the conversation, “Ally, have you picked a date yet?”

“Yeah, it’s listed on the paper you have, I think.” Ally replies, and Camila finds herself tuning out the conversation in favor of looking at Lauren.

The older girl’s been mostly quiet, Camila’s learned that it’s just the way that Lauren is. She’s also learned that when Lauren’s thinking, she tends to furrow her eyebrows and bite the inside of her cheek (Camila can tell by the way it caves in). She also knows when Lauren’s anxious she taps her leg with her fingertips and bites her tongue, and that when she’s lost, she tries to observe her way back into the conversation.

However, when she’s happy, her smile reaches her entire face and her laugh rocks her entire body and it's the greatest thing someone will ever see. Her eyes will crinkle at the corners and she sometimes will clap her hands together.

It’s endearing. Everything about her is, really.

“What do y’all wanna order for dinner? Dinah doesn’t get a vote.” Normani asks, smiling once Dinah walks over to her and smacks her shoulder before wrapping her arms around the older girl’s neck from behind. Camila thinks that that’s what makes them great together, their ability to tease each other in one breath and fall in love all over again with the next. 

“We could do sushi,” Normani suggests, obviously scrolling through some sort of food delivery service on her phone.

“Don’t order from that place, they’re the ones that gave me food poisoning,” Dinah comments, scrunching her nose in disgust.

“Noted,” Normani replies, scrolling for another minute, “I didn’t hear your guys’ opinions on sushi, by the way.”

“I dunno, I had this gross salmon roll the last time I got sushi and it ruined my dinner.” Camila whines, almost lounging so far back in her chair that she would fall over. She then scrambles back to a normal position and asks, “Why can’t we just do pizza or something?”

“The place we always order from is closed,” Normani says, “Ooh, how about that burger joint? With the really good curly fries?”

The girls (all except for Dinah) agree and Normani passes around her phone for everyone to order. Dinah leaves about twenty minutes later for work, whining about one of her coworkers and giving Normani a kiss before actually leaving.

Ally eventually decides that she’s done with the wedding planning for the night and packs all of the stuff away into the office before coming back out and telling Normani to pick something to watch on TV.

Camila lounges on one side of the couch while Lauren sits next to her, her legs crossed as she scrolls through what looks like Tumblr on her phone. Camila almost wants to say something, but Ally comes back into the room and Normani picks a show that Camila finds both mind-numbing and intriguing.

She’s not exactly sure as to what show it is, all she’s aware of is that it has something to do with being a drama.

She does, however, notice that Lauren’s restless next to her, tapping her fingers either against her leg or against her other fingertips. It makes her wonder about what’s on the other girl’s mind, and she notices immediately how Lauren’s actions stop midway when one of the characters taken hostage gets punched across the face and blood pools at their nose.

The scene ends and she starts pressing her fingertips against each other again, and all that does is make Camila wonder.  _ Why did Lauren have that reaction? _

She doesn’t get much time to ponder it because the food arrives, and Ally, because she’s the sweetest of the remaining four, grabs it and thanks the delivery guy.

Camila gets her chicken nuggets and curly fries - because she’s a child and loves chicken nuggets -, and then disappears into Ally’s kitchen to grab a banana. She notices how Lauren watches her with an amused smile on her face and feels her face flush.

She hates how fast she’s falling, and all she can hope is that Lauren catches her.


	11. chapter ten: "there was a bet?!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> longer chapter and some laurinah at the end bc i love them

“Hey, Dinah?” Camila calls from the kitchen, where she’s grabbing a banana.

“What’s up, Walz?” Dinah calls back from her room, poking her head out.

“Can I use the car? I want to go pick up Sofia from school and then go to my mom’s.” Camila asks, throwing in the puppy dog eyes in an effort to further sway Dinah’s answer to yes.

“Uh, sure, but you have to be back by like… ten, I’m working eleven to seven.” She replies, and it’s now that Camila notices how Dinah’s still in her PJs.

“I won’t be out that late, don’t worry. Thanks, China.” Camila walks over and wraps her arms around Dinah in a tight hug.

“No problem, Mila,” Dinah says, letting go of her, “I’ll see you tonight?”

“Probably,” Camila shrugs, grabbing the keys and her phone, “Alright, I’ll see you, China, love you!”

“Love you too!” Dinah calls as Camila darts out the door.

Camila goes downstairs and to the car, quickly texting Sofia that she’s picking her up and putting music on before pulling out of the parking lot.

She arrives at the high school five minutes before the dismissal time and sees some parents sitting impatiently in their cars. Some of them give her looks, and that confuses her because it’s not like she’s a mom or anything. She’s just an older sister.  _ Whatever _ .

Her thoughts are halted when she sees a wave of students come out of the school building, and she sees her sister emerge from that wave after a couple of minutes and unlocks the car doors for her. Sofia hugs one of her friends before crossing the street and getting into the passenger side, “Hey Mila!”

“Hey, Sof!” Camila leans over the center console and hugs her, “How’ve you been?”

“I’m okay,” Sofia puts on her seatbelt, “Why did you pick me up?”

Camila bites her lip, “Well, I thought that we could go get something to eat. I also wanted to see you, I haven’t been around in like a week.”

“No kidding, Mami’s mad at you for not visiting.” Sofia replies, “Where are we going?”

“Wherever you want once we get out of this parking lot,” Camila groans, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel, “Can you text Mami and tell her that I picked you up? We really don’t need her filing a missing person’s report or something.”

“Alright,” Sofia replies, and the two stay quiet for a few minutes, listening to whatever Ed Sheeran song is playing in the car.

“Okay!” Camila exclaims as they finally pull out of the school parking lot, “Food. Where do you wanna go?”

“McDonald’s?” Sofia asks, putting her phone down in her lap.

Camila nods, “Sounds good.”

After going through the drive-thru and retrieving their food, Sofia getting a big mac meal with a soda while Camila gets a ten-piece nugget meal with a strawberry-banana smoothie, Camila parks.

Her excuse is that she wants to eat her food and not worry about crashing, but truly she’s working up her nerve to tell Sofia that she’s gay. She knows that Sofia won’t care, but she has to break the news anyway, and it’s good practice for their mother.

“Your music is so boring,” Sofia comments as another Taylor Swift song switches on.

“No, it’s not!” Camila exclaims, offended, “I like my music taste.”

“I didn’t say I  _ didn’t like it _ , I just said that it’s  _ boring _ .” Sofia responds, rolling her eyes as she takes another bite out of her burger, “You need something more upbeat.”

Camila rolls her eyes and makes no effort to change the song, she happens to like Taylor’s  _ folklore _ album and will be damned if her sister shits on it. She finishes off her nuggets and sets the fries in the cupholder before putting her seatbelt back on and preparing to drive home, advising her sister to do the same.

There’s some light traffic on the way home, allowing Camila just enough time to tell Sofia about her breakup - which she assumes that the younger girl will be excited about, she was never Shawn’s biggest fan - and then about how she’s gay.

The word is becoming less foreign to her lips the more she says it, but every once in a while, the confession sends shivers up her spine.

She turns down the music, “Hey, Sof?”

Sofia takes out her earbuds, “What?”

“I have to tell you something,” Camila says, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel anxiously as they stop at a red light.

Sofia deadpans, “If this is about how you almost died of potassium overload again-”

“That never happened!”

Sofia scoffs, “You’re lucky it hasn’t, you eat like… a billion bananas a day.”

“I hate you,” Camila whines, driving now that the light’s turned green.

“No you don’t,” Sofia sings, grinning, “Now what is it?”

“Well,” Camila bites her lip, “Shawn and I broke up.”

Sofia’s quiet for a minute, “... am I allowed to be happy about that?”

“I know you  _ are _ , so go ahead,” Camila replies, throwing her sister a split-second glance before focusing back on the road again.

“It’s not that I didn’t like him,” Sofia reasons, “He just always looked like he was trying too hard to impress you.”

Camila nods, “Alright then.”

“Why did you two break up? Is it because of what I said?” Sofia asks, and Camila bites her lip,  _ now  _ she has to spit out the other thing.

“Well, I didn’t break up with him because he was  _ trying too hard _ ,” Camila comments, throwing her sister a quick sideeye, “I broke up with him because I don’t have feelings for him and I don’t think I’m really capable of having feelings for him.”

Sofia’s quiet, but it’s obvious that she wants Camila to go on, “I figured out a couple of weeks ago that I’m gay.”

Sofia gasps, “Oh my god, that makes so much sense!”

“What?” Camila pulls up to a stop sign and then gives her a hard look that says  _ keep talking _ .

“Listen, my friends when they talk about their crushes are like… super gushy and whatever, and whenever you talked about Shawn or whoever you were dating, it’d be something like  _ he’s cute _ and that’s it, no other crushy stuff.” Sofia explains as they pull into the driveway.

Camila parks and turns off the car, “I’m done with you.”

“You love me!” Sofia sticks her tongue out at Camila as she takes off her seatbelt. She grabs her backpack and puts her hand on the door, “And I love you, Mila, I don’t care that you’re gay.”

Camila softens and reaches across the console to hug her sister, “I love you, too, Sof.”

They pull away and exchange a glance, “Wait, now you have to tell Mami.”

Camila takes a deep breath and grabs her keys, “Yeah, now I have to tell Mami.”

The two give each other a look again before getting out of the car, and Camila follows Sofia into the house.

“Mami! I’m home! And Camila’s here!”

“In here!” Their mother calls back, and Sofia disappears up the stairs - probably to put her bag away - while Camila walks into the kitchen and greets her mother.

“Where have you been, Karla?” Camila grimaces at the use of her birth name, she’s really not too fond of it.

“I’m sorry for not visiting, Mami, I’ve been busy,” Camila replies, trying to piece together what her mom is making by the ingredients splayed out all over the kitchen.

Her mother scoffs, muttering a curse word in Spanish, “You could’ve called, Mija.”

“Lo siento, Mami,” Camila apologizes again, “but, I do have something to tell you.”

Her mother looks up from what she’s doing and raises her eyebrow at her daughter.

“I broke up with Shawn.” Camila says and watches her mother’s expression carefully. It surprises her when the other woman laughs.

“And that’s occupied you for the past two weeks?” Her mother asks, and Camila rolls her eyes.

She wants to bite back a sarcastic response about the  _ gay thing _ , but she’s not sure that she exactly wants to have that conversation with so many knives in the room.

She’s completely caught off guard, however, when her mother blurts, “So? Why’d you break up? Is he gay or something?”

Camila chokes on air, “No, Mami, he’s not gay.”

“Are you?” Sinu then asks, and Camila thinks she’d rather be dead at the moment rather than here.

“Mami-”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, Mija, after all of that rambling you did about that girl in that movie when you were younger-”

“Wait how long have you known?!” Camila exclaims, bewildered. Her mom  _ knew  _ all this time and  _ didn’t tell her _ ?!

“Mija, you have never liked boys. I’m surprised that you were with that boy for so long.” Sinu replies, waving her off.

“Oh my god,” Camila says, now in some sort of shock. Her mother  _ knew _ that she was gay. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought that you were in the closet, sorry for respecting you, I’ll force you out next time.” Sinu bats her daughter’s arm and Camila’s eyes only bulge more.

“I am so done with you,” Camila says, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“Calm down, Karla,” Sinu retorts, “Now help me make dinner and tell your father that  _ I  _ won the bet.”

“There was a bet?!”

-

Dinah loves sleep.

She even got the opportunity to sleep in today because she’s working a night shift, but of course Camila had to interrupt her just to say that she was taking the car.

Now, she’s lounged on the couch watching reruns of some sitcom that she can’t care to remember the name of and in some kind of half-asleep the-world-is-far-away bliss. 

She’s floating in the fantasy of her and Normani getting married in a not-so-distant future with their friends and family watching. She just knows that she and Normani will cry, Camila will trip over her own feet at least twice (there’s a bet on it already), and her mother will turn the event’s focus on herself, but they’re all good things. It sounds perfectly imperfect in her head, just like the ring that she has hidden in a pair of shoes in her closet (well, the ring is  _ perfect _ perfect).

Her happy daze is interrupted when her phone starts buzzing from its place on her chest with a phone call, and she glares at it for a second before answering.

“I was asleep.”

“ _ Can you do me a huge favor? _ ” Normani’s panicked voice comes through the phone, “ _ Please? _ ”

“Uh, sure,” Dinah says, now nervous and wide awake as she sits up on the couch. “What is it?”

“ _ I’m not in town right now, I’m like thirty minutes away for work and Lucy’s out of town with her wife for the weekend. _ ” Normani explains which isn’t helping any because Dinah’s only half aware of who these people are, “ _ And Lauren called me because she was having a panic attack and I can’t help her. _ ”

Dinah hears the distraught in her girlfriend’s voice as she continues, “ _ Can you please go to her place and help calm her down? She might not want to talk about it but you’re so good in a crisis and… please, Dinah? _ ”

Dinah’s voice softens as she replies, “Of course, Mani, just send me her address. Does she know I’m coming?”

“ _ Yeah, I told her that I’d send someone, _ ” Normani sounds much calmer now, “ _ I’ll text you her address. I love you and I owe you one _ .”

“No, you don’t owe me anything. Lauren’s one of my friends now, too.” Dinah replies, walking into her bedroom to find anything more appealing than a t-shirt that is literally ripping at the seams and shorts that barely cover her ass.

“ _ Okay, _ ” Normani replies, “ _ I love you so much, Dinah _ .”

“I love you too, Mani,” Dinah says, her heart swelling, “I’ll call you before my shift tonight, alright?”

“ _ Alright, thank you again! _ ”

“Bye!”

Dinah hangs up and calls an Uber before getting dressed in a fresh shirt and leggings. She throws on a hoodie with her alma mater on it and pulls sneakers on before leaving the house, locking up and taking a deep breath to calm herself.

She doesn’t really know Lauren too well, but she’s aware of how much Normani cares about her and that she’s no stranger to talking Lauren out of panic attacks.

There have been multiple instances over the past few months that Normani’s left in the middle of the night because Lauren was having a panic attack or a nightmare and while Dinah doesn’t exactly love losing her cuddle buddy in the middle of the night, she’s not mad about it.

The Uber pulls up and she gets in, and the driver just greets her before shuffling his music and pulling off.

She goes over Normani’s words in her head and pieces together that normally, Lauren calls either Lucy or Normani, and just up to unfortunate timing, both of them are out of town at the same time. She stays in her thoughts up until the driver pulls up to Lauren’s apartment building, thanking him before getting out and walking up.

She finds the apartment - 527 - and knocks, rocking on her heels and waiting for the door to open.

Lauren opens the door and her appearance takes Dinah off guard; her hair is in a messy bun and she’s in a t-shirt and sweats. Her normal green eyes look gray and Dinah can easily see how drained Lauren is.

“Did Mani send you?” Lauren asks, moving out of the way to let Dinah in.

Dinah walks in and looks around the small apartment cautiously before responding. There’s a dark gray couch with a knitted multicolor blanket on it, a coffee table with Lauren’s phone and a mug of something that smells pretty good on it, a kitchen tucked behind a breakfast bar, and a small dining room with four chairs around it. The place is simple but cozy.

“Yeah, she sent me.” Dinah replies, “You look rough.”

“Way to dance around it,” Lauren replies sarcastically, sitting back down on the couch with enough room for Dinah on the other side.

“Would you rather I coddle you?” Dinah asks her, and Lauren shrugs. Dinah sighs, sitting down on the other side of the couch and crossing a leg underneath her body, “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” Lauren says, not meeting her eyes, “It comes in waves. Chances are, in a couple of days, I’ll be fine.”

Dinah’s quiet, trying to figure out what Lauren means by that, but before she gets a chance to reply, Lauren adds, “What? You’re not even going to ask me what happened?”

“Figured that you’d tell me if you wanted to.” Dinah responds simply, “I’m just here if you want to talk or have a shoulder to cry on or watch bad TV until our brains melt and pour out of our ears.”

Lauren nods, “What’s your favorite snack with bad TV?”


	12. chapter eleven: "you're not bothering me."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's a lot and uhhh wow it's been a minute

Dinah walks back into the apartment and sees Camila sprawled out on the couch, a book in her lap and scented candles lit on the coffee table.

“Hey, China, where’ve you been?” Camila asks, looking up at her and gesturing to the kitchen, “My mom insisted that I brought leftovers home, so they’re there if you want them.”

Dinah nods, still having not said a word. She just spent the afternoon with Lauren and  _ god _ , there’s just some kind of wall up that Lauren kept dancing around and it’s getting in Dinah’s head a bit too much.

“Where were you?” Camila asks again, “Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” Dinah snaps out of her daze and offers Camila a small smile, “I was at Lauren’s, actually.”

“Oh?” Camila raises an eyebrow, “Didn’t know that you two hung out.”

“We don’t,” Dinah says, “Normani was worried about her and stuck at work, so she sent me over there to check on her.” She bites the inside of her cheek, contemplating if she should tell Camila about how Lauren had a  _ panic attack _ , but she thinks that’s need to know information and not something that Lauren would want to disclose.

“You look like you saw a ghost,” Camila states, “what happened?”

“Nothing,” Dinah replies a little too quickly and she notices how Camila’s eyes widen a bit at the unusual tone. However, it really is  _ nothing _ because Dinah has no idea why she’s so freaked out. She tries to lighten the mood with, “So, how was your mom?”

Camila’s obviously off-put by the subject change, but she responds with, “I came out to her.”

Dinah’s eyes widen, “How did that go?”

Camila laughs, “She placed a  _ bet _ on me coming out. She and my dad!”

Dinah laughs along with her, “I’m happy for you, Walz.”

“Thanks, China.”

-

_ “You should take my last name,” he suggested, watching as she played with the ring in the light, shifting it and watching as it glimmered in oh-so-different colors. _

_ “Lauren Simpson sounds like the whitest name ever,” she replied quietly, a slight bite to her words.  _ It was sarcastic _ , she thought, her eyes still on the ring as she shifted it between her hands, trying to absorb every detail of it. _

_ Something about the whole thing felt off, but they’d been together for two years. She’s met couples in the past that got married after a month, so this wasn’t exactly insane in her eyes. (Well, the dull ache in her abdomen might argue, but it’s healing.) _

_ “When should we tell my parents?” She asked, glancing over at her now fiancé, now noticing how dark his eyes have gotten. She finally stopped playing with the ring and put it on the nightstand instead of on her finger. _

_ “Anyone else would wear that,” he snipped, a harsh undertone in his voice, “It was really fucking expensive, Lauren.” _

_ “Brad,” Lauren asked, “Who wears rings to bed?” _

_ He furrowed his eyebrows and before Lauren could comprehend it, her cheek was stinging and he was halfway across the room grabbing a shirt and pants out of his dresser. He disappeared without another word, and Lauren felt her heart racing, but she kept a cool head, turning off the light and snuggling into the bed. _

_ She woke up a couple of hours later to a loud crash in the hallway before her door bust open, revealing Brad in some kind of drunken state. _

_ “Laur,” he slurred, “I’m so-sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” _

_ Of course, she forgave him. _

-

Lauren thinks that the world is conspiring against her or something.

She hasn’t had the energy to get out of bed today and has instead scrolled through Instagram so many times that she thinks she’s seen all of the photos in the world, she’s watched so many YouTube videos that she thinks her brain is melting, and she hasn’t moved in so long that her entire body feels like it’s being submerged in concrete.

She knows that she has texts from Normani asking her where she is today - they had a case together - and thank god that she has her read receipts off because  _ oops _ , she opened the texts.

There’s a couple of texts from her brother, one just saying that he’ll be back late tonight or not at all and the other saying that she should call mom. There’s a text from her mom, some meme of a donkey or something, she doesn’t remember. There are also multiple texts from Lucy, and she doesn’t know what they said but they were in all caps, so maybe she should be concerned.

It doesn’t help that her sadistic ex-husband keeps running through her head and her entire body aches in some sort of memory even though she’s completely fine.

-

_ “Lauren, what the fuck happened to you?!” Lucy exclaimed, pointing to a purple bruise that revealed itself when Lauren reached to get a bowl from the top of the cabinet and her shirt rode up. _

_ Lauren’s face went pale as she scrambled to cover up the bruise, “It’s nothing.” _

_ “You didn’t even try to lie,” Lucy commented, putting her phone down on the counter before nodding at Lauren, “Show me.” _

_ She stepped closer to Lauren and Lauren flinched, making Lucy raise an eyebrow. _

_ “Lo…” _

_ “I’m fine,” Lauren insisted quickly, her right hand still firmly grasping the hem of her shirt, “I’m fine.” _

_ “You don’t look fine,” Lucy retorted, obviously skeptical, “What happened, Lauren?” _

_ “Nothing happened!” Lauren replied, her tone sharp. She finally released the shirt from her grip and instead was now clenching her hand into a fist so tight that her knuckles were white and her nails dug into her palms. _

_ Lauren knew that Lucy could see straight through the lie, but she didn’t persist any further and instead went back to her phone with a quiet huff, “What do you want on your pizza?” _

-

Some days, when she’s alone and marinating in her thoughts, she feels her skin ache where bruises used to live like tattoos, even though it’s uninjured and in an hour will feel completely fine again.

Some days, she’ll be fine until she hears a loud stomp and it’ll send her brain into so much overdrive that her legs can’t hold her up anymore.

Some days, she’ll look at the clock and her blood will run cold because she’ll have a flashback of seeing the time when her ribs were being kicked in or her jaw was cracking so loudly that it was all she could hear.

Some days, like today, her body will just refuse to move out of bed and she’ll stay buried under the covers with nothing but her phone at her disposal. Her head will be full of scary thoughts and memories and her heart will ache so badly in her chest that she thinks that that’s what true heartbreak is, even though she has no reason to ever feel heartbroken over the man that destroyed her.

However, most days, she can smile, she can get out of bed, she can feel as uninjured as she is, she can look at the time and she can live a life that everyone else recognizes.

Today isn’t most days.

-

_ She was singing to herself in the kitchen, a stupid song that was on the radio the day before and now stuck in her head like gum to a shoe. _

_ She was washing dishes, putting some in the dishwasher, and handwashing the ones that needed to be hand washed. For example, the expensive wine glasses that they bought because Lauren liked them and Brad had the money from his father, couldn’t go in the dishwasher without breaking, so she’d handwash them meticulously until they were shiny and clean. _

_ She considered grabbing her speaker and playing some music that wouldn’t get painfully stuck in her head, but settled for just playing the music off of her phone. It was a song by The 1975, one she couldn’t remember the name of but still knew all of the lyrics to. _

_ Her peace was brought to a halt when the front door slammed open and multiple voices were heard, and Lauren immediately knew that Brad had brought his buddies over. They weren’t the worst dudes in the world, but they weren’t great either. _

_ She now just wanted to finish doing dishes so that she could retreat to the office and finish her work for her classes. She was working on pre-law and hoping to get into a good law school, so high grades were her highest priority. _

_ (So was being alive, but… you take what you can get.) _

_ “Hey,” Brad greeted, a smile that looked too overboard to be real on his face. Lauren resisted making a face at it, even though she knew that friends being over would stop him from “disciplining” her for now. _

_ “Hey, I’m just going to finish this and then do some schoolwork.” She said quietly, not wanting to say the wrong thing and assure herself some kind of beating tonight. _

_ Brad nodded, some kind of distant look on his face, “You didn’t make dinner?” _

_ Lauren quirked an eyebrow, “You said that we were ordering out tonight.” _

_ She watched his jaw clench and her stomach dropped, “I told you to make dinner tonight, you stupid bitch.” _

-

Lauren’s finally brought out of her trance of god-awful memories and aching unwanting to do anything when she hears a knock at her door.

_ Who the fuck _ , Lauren thinks, mustering up the strength to drag her too-heavy body out of bed. She runs a hand through her knotted hair - maybe she should deal with that - and messes with her shirt before opening her door.

It’s Normani, and the darker-skinned girl doesn’t miss a beat, “What’s wrong?”

Lauren’s eyes widen, startled by how first of all, Normani’s now in her room, and second of all, there wasn’t even a  _ hi how are you _ before Normani jumped into the deep end.

She takes the cheap way out, “What do you mean?”

“Lauren.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, collapsing back onto the bed and squinting when Normani pulls open the curtains to let some sunlight in, “Christ, it’s like you live in a dungeon or something. Now,  _ what is wrong _ , because I have a date tonight and I know you just don’t respond to  _ everyone’s _ texts for no reason.”

Lauren sighs, “It’s just been a bad couple of days.”

“Care to elaborate?” She asks, and Lauren shrugs. Normani presses her lips together in a thin line, “Lo, I love you, and I want to help you, but I can’t do that when you don’t at least meet me halfway.”

Lauren bites her lip, toying with the blanket that’s now on her lap and feeling tears pool in her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

Normani rushes over to the bed and wraps her arms around the younger girl, “Lauren, none of this is your fault. You’re allowed to have bad days. Just don’t cut everyone off because we’re all here to help you.”

“I know,” Lauren says, her voice cracking, “I just don’t want to bother you guys.”

“You’re not bothering me if you’re asking for help.” Normani replies, “If you’re telling me to come over because, might I quote,  _ the grass is super green and  _ wow  _ green is a stupid color _ again, that’s a little annoying,” Lauren laughs at that and Normani continues, “but if you need help, Laur, it’s not a bother for me. I’m your best friend, and so is Lucy, and we’re here to help you and listen to you and support you.”

Lauren wraps her arms around Normani in a tight hug, “Thank you, Mani. I love you.”

“I love you too, Lo.”


	13. chapter twelve: "you're a lamp!"

She traces a long scar that traces up the inside of her thigh. It’s white, but the color of her skin makes it barely visible unless someone’s actively looking for it. She thinks it might be twelve inches, but it’s not like she’s going to measure it.

There’s a group of scars on the inside of her other thigh, all small and no more than an inch long. Her skin burns when she thinks about where they came from; a small sharp knife that was dragged against her skin while she thrashed. Had she not been thrashing, the cuts would have been the same as the one on her other thigh. She doesn’t know which was better - or worse.

Underneath a tattoo of black and white roses, the ghosts of bruises linger from the middle of her ribs to her right hip. The strap of her bra covers the top of it and the waistband of her underwear covers the bottom, but it’s still there.

She’s brought out of her thoughts when she hears a loud pounding at her bedroom door, and she quickly scrambles to grab her pajama pants and t-shirt from where they’ve been discarded on the floor.

“Hey! Lauser! Open up!”

Lauren’s eyes widen as she realizes that Dinah’s at her door and she quickly looks herself over in the mirror. Everything’s covered.

She opens the door and Dinah’s revealed, a wide smile on her face and her blonde hair rolling over her shoulders in long waves, “Get dressed, we’re going on an adventure!”

Lauren cocks her head to the side slightly, confused, “What do you mean?”

“Camila’s going to be finished with work in like twenty minutes and we haven’t gotten Halloween costumes.” Dinah explains, “So, get dressed, we’re going to get Halloween costumes.”

Lauren looks down at her feet for a second, thinking. She’s not necessarily in the mood to go out today, but, she can hear her therapist reminding her in the back of her head that she should get out more. 

So, she nods and disappears into her room for a couple of minutes before coming out fully dressed: ripped dark blue jeans, a  _ The 1975  _ t-shirt, and black converse.

She makes sure to grab sunglasses because  _ wow, Miami is sunny _ . Dinah grins at her as soon as she leaves the room, “Alright! Let’s go!”

Dinah swings her arm around the older girl’s shoulders, leading the two out of the apartment with Lauren saying goodbye to Chris and fumbling with her phone in her hands. They get into Dinah and Camila’s shared car with Lauren in the passenger seat, and Dinah tells Lauren to put music on.

“When was the last time you got dressed up for Halloween?” Dinah asks, pulling onto the main road.

Lauren shrugs, “Lucy and I dressed up a couple of years back when she was visiting me in New York, but it’s been a while.”

“Well,” Dinah gives her a grin as they pull up to a stoplight, “you don’t have to get anything if you don’t want to, but Mila and I dress up every year and take some photos.”

Lauren nods, “I’ll see.” She then bites her lip and furrows her brows before responding, “Wait, today’s Halloween, what costumes are you going to find?”

Dinah shrugs, “The ones that make the best laughs. Or a ghost.”

Lauren laughs, breathing out a quiet okay as they drive in a comfortable silence to the music store where Camila’s working tonight. They enter the small building and Camila lights up when she sees them, “Oh thank god someone interesting.”

“You done for the day yet?” Dinah asks, immediately grabbing something off the counter and playing with it. Camila bats at Dinah’s hand and the younger girl pouts before putting the object back.

“I think Shawn will let me go, it’s been dead today.” Camila replies and gets up from where she was sitting, “I’ll be back. Don’t touch anything!”

Dinah rolls her eyes, muttering “buzzkill” under her breath and making Lauren snort.

Camila comes back a couple of minutes later with her backpack thrown over her shoulder, “We can go.”

“Alright! Halloween time, bitches!”

-

“For the record, I think that I make a  _ lovely _ grandma.”

“You look like the kind of grandma that kicks kids off her lawn and waves her cane around,” Dinah comments, handing Camila a plate with two slices of pizza on it. Camila’s dressed up in a white wig that’s half falling off her head and some kind of scratchy red dress that might’ve belonged to a Little Red Riding Hood costume.

“Mila, you look like you pinch your grandchildrens’ cheeks and not in the nice way and you probably say  _ back in my day _ a lot.” Normani adds, smiling when Dinah sits down next to her.

“Okay, and that kind of grandma is iconic.” Camila rationalizes, taking a bite out of her pizza, “I’m  _ iconic _ . Get on my level.”

“I’m a pirate!” Dinah exclaims, gesturing to her hat. “I’m gonna steal all of your gold and shit.”

“No you’re not!” Camila retorts, “I don’t  _ have _ any gold!”

“Who are you insulting?” Normani asks, raising an eyebrow and then looking at Dinah, “Besides, after Lauren’s costume, you’ve got a really stereotypical one, babe.”

“I didn’t even get a costume,” Lauren replies, scrunching her nose and picking up the glow-in-the-dark fangs off the table. “Camila got me these and said that I look like a vampire.”

Camila swallows the pizza she’s eating before chiming in, “Because you  _ do _ .”

“No I don’t!” Lauren replies.

“Yeah, you kinda do,” Dinah adds, “but it’s okay, Lauser, you’re our vampire. Rounds out our group.”

“Where’s the fifth of our group anyway? She said she was going to be here in ten minutes like twenty minutes ago.” Normani asks.

“I don’t know,” Dinah shrugs, “She’ll show up.”

Camila, obviously not paying attention, snorts, “Lauren…”

“Hmm?” The other girl hums, looking at her and catching the attention of the couple on the other part of the couch.

“If you shipped your name with vampire you’d be Lamp.”

Dinah and Normani roll their eyes and Lauren sighs, “Camila what the fuck?”

“I’m an old grandma and Dinah’s a pirate and Mani’s Obama and you’re a  _ lamp _ !” Camila laughs harder now, causing the rest of the girls to laugh with her.

There’s a knock at the door and Dinah whines before getting up and answering, “Smalls!”

“Ally!” The rest of the girls cheer, “Happy Halloween!”

“What’s your costume?” Camila asks.

“We’re doing costumes?” Ally asks, giving each of the girls a hug before grabbing pizza for herself, “I thought Dinah was kidding.”

“Me too,” Lauren replies, making room for Ally next to her, “Camila bought me vampire teeth.”

“And now she’s a lamp!” Camila exclaims.

Ally’s eyes widen and she looks at Normani, “What did I miss?”

-

Thanksgiving passes without much excitement, and one day in early December, Lauren finds herself glaring at the check sitting on the counter in front of her. The number is glaring at her -  _ twenty thousand dollars _ \- more than she makes in two and a half months of working her ass off at her job and making her sick to her stomach.

She almost wishes that she didn’t get given the money in the first place, but it’s not like it’s not helpful. She can put half of it away for retirement, as she does with any of the checks from her father, five thousand can go to charities that she supports, and the other five thousand can go into her savings. 

That doesn’t change that she hates where the money came from; a crappy compensation for her father being a shitty person. He hasn’t really been in contact with her aside from her one-hour showings to family events (literally just Christmas and Mother’s day) and a couple of miserably distant holiday wishes (seriously, most of the time they don’t even have an  _ I love you _ at the end).

Christmas used to be such a magical holiday, but now that she hates visiting her family because of  _ one _ person, it’s kind of miserable. She instead spends the holiday popping in once all of her relatives have already arrived and saying hello to all of them before leaving just as quickly and going to the McDonalds around the corner for dinner.

Sure, it’s kind of sad and lame, but it’s kind of become her thing and sometimes if Chris isn’t having too much fun, he’ll join her. She knows that this isn’t one of those years being that Chris is introducing everyone to his new girlfriend, but the thought that he’s on her side counts.

Either way, she still has the twenty thousand dollar check that makes her sick to her stomach. Maybe this year she could go on a vacation with her and only her.

Who knows?

Either way, the girls plan a gift exchange for the 20th, and Lauren’s all of a sudden too aware of how she has no idea what to get any of them.

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ have you done your xmas shopping _

Lauren simultaneously feels a smile creep onto her face because, like,  _ Camila _ , and confusion as to how Camila read her mind like that, but texts her back.

**_lamp_ ** _   
_ _ I was thinking about starting it today _

**_lamp_ ** _   
_ _ I’m guessing you haven’t started? _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ lol no _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ dinah took the car though soooo do you wanna team up and get it out of the way together? _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ i’ll even get us mcdonalds _

Lauren smiles at that, since Halloween they’ve been hanging out more and McDonald’s has kind of become their thing. 

Lauren’s learned that Camila only ever orders chicken nuggets or the pancakes, but she’ll drink whatever she’s in the mood for.

She’s also learned that Camila just keeps bananas on her at all times in her bag that she has for work with her two separate uniforms. For working at Ally’s, she wears a red t-shirt with her apron on top and while working at the music store with Shawn, she dresses up a little more while still looking casual. 

**_lamp_ ** _   
_ _ Sounds good. When do you get out of work? _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ i got out early today _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ are you done for the day _

**_lamp_ ** _   
_ _ Yeah _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ i can be ready in like half an hour if that works for you _

**_lamp_ ** _   
_ _ Sounds good _

**_lamp_ ** _   
_ _ I’ll see you then, Camz _

**_camz_ ** _   
_ _ okay!! _

-

“I hate shopping for Dinah.” Camila comments, sipping on her iced coffee as they wander through the mall.

“Why?” Lauren asks, “I feel like if you got her a pillow she’d love you forever.”

“I got her a pillow last year.” Camila laughs, “Granted, there was a really sappy note with it to make up for the fact that it was a pillow and she’d never admit it but she  _ did _ cry.”

Lauren nods, “Okay, so pillow’s out. You’ve been friends with her for five years now, what else does she like?”

“Food,” Camila replies, “God, Normani and Ally are so easy. Normani likes jewelry and perfume and Ally’s happy if you get her anything baking related. But  _ no _ , Dinah’s main interests in life are food and sleeping.”

Lauren hums, obviously thinking. They walk into some kind of clothing store and Lauren swears she can see the lightbulb go off in Camila’s head.

“I know what to get her!” Camila exclaims, gently smacking Lauren’s arm. She points at two t-shirts hung up on the wall saying  _ Thing 1  _ and _ Thing 2. _

Lauren nods, “Okay, that’s kind of genius-”

“I know right!”

“But,” Lauren interjects and Camila seems to deflate, “I don’t want to be around when you two fight about who’s  _ Thing 1 _ and  _ Thing 2 _ .”

Camila nods, “Yeah, I don’t want to be around for that either.”


	14. chapter thirteen: "is it more chapstick?"

“Hey babe,” Dinah greets as Normani walks into her apartment. She pauses the TV and grins at Normani, a dopey smile on her face.

The dark-skinned girl smiles at her and sets down her jacket, “Did you stay here all day?”

“Yeah, Mila had work all day so it wasn’t worth it to go home,” Dinah replies as Normani sits next to her on the couch, “How was your day?”

“Well, Lauren and I had lunch at Ally’s bakery, and Camila had Lauren try one of Ally’s new pastries or something,” Normani responds as she slides off her shoes and socks, “How was your day, babe?”

“It was okay,” Dinah smiles as Normani sits next to her on the couch and lays her legs over the blonde’s lap, “What’re your thoughts on Camila and Lauren getting together?”

Normani furrows her eyebrows at her girlfriend, “What do you know?”

“Literally nothing!” Dinah throws her hands up in defense, “I just know that they’re hopelessly pining over each other and I literally can’t tell who’s going to cave first.”

“You really want them together, don’t you?” Normani asks, an amused smile on her face.

Dinah pouts, “Mila wasn’t even sad about breaking up with Shawn, and I can tell she actually likes Lauren. Besides, I  _ like  _ Lauren. She’s calm and they balance each other out. Just like us.”

“You’re saying that you’re the crazy one, right?” Normani asks, absentmindedly tracing shapes on Dinah’s palm.

“Of course, babe,” Dinah grins, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s cheek, “but like I said,  _ balancing _ .”

“Do you really think they’re going to have a future together?” Normani asks after a minute.

“I think they’re capable,” Dinah replies, “you know them best.”

“I really just don’t want Lauren to be hurt in all of this,” Normani says, “I don’t think that Camila would experiment in the first place, but what if they got serious and then she realized that she didn’t like Lauren in that way?”

Dinah bites her lip, “I think it can go both ways. I mean, I’ve been out with you since college and known I was bisexual since high school. But there’s always been like… that voice in the back of my head that’s like  _ well, you were one of 24 people in a house and what if you’re faking this because you need attention that you didn’t get when you were younger? _ And it’s not like I don’t love you or anything because I  _ know  _ I do, but it’s just another one of those insecurities.”

Normani nods, “You’ve never talked about that before.”

“Because,” Dinah says, “it’s not a big deal. I know I love you, and even if there’s that stupid voice in my head, that’s all it is,  _ stupid _ . Because I know that one day, I’m going to stand up in front of my obscenely big family and our friends and your family and tell them how much I love you.”

“You’re serious?” Normani asks, her voice quiet.

Dinah gives her a big smile, “Of course. But you gotta give me more time to get you a fancy ring, and give Ally time to get married. One day, though, it’ll happen.”

-

Camila thinks that she’s being too bold.

She wrote out a too-detailed letter to Lauren about a week ago for Christmas saying that she has feelings for her and then lists all of the things about Lauren that she’s learned over the past three months.

It’s borderline stalkerlike, she had decided, which is why she doesn’t want to give it to Lauren and is now staring at the small necklace box that Dinah helped her wrap.

Of course, because it’s Dinah, the younger girl teased her the entire time by saying that this gift is a little too close to being something from a lover rather than a friend, but Camila pushes it off. If she chickens out, she has the gift she was going to give Lauren in front of the other girls anyway.

Either way, when her phone buzzes telling her that Lauren’s here, she grabs her phone, wallet, and gift, bids a quick goodbye to Dinah, and darts downstairs.

Lauren’s waiting out front in her car and Camila jumps in, grinning when she sees Lauren and it only gets bigger when she realizes Lauren bought Camila and herself iced coffees - they have the same order aside from Camila liking more sugar in hers.

“Morning!” Camila cheers as she slides her seatbelt on.

“Camz it’s 1 pm,” Lauren replies, grabbing her drink and taking a sip before pulling out of the parking lot.

“Okay and?” Camila asks, taking the other drink that’s marked with a large C. Lauren just shakes her head and Camila continues, “How are you?”

“Kind of tired,” Lauren responds, putting her drink back in the cupholder, “I had this idea of getting a dog last night and then spent like two hours looking at adoption sites. There’s a banana in the bag on the floor, by the way.”

Camila reaches down into the paper bag on the floor and grabs the banana out of it, commenting, “You’re my favorite,” and putting her drink down as well before adding, “So are you going to get a dog?”

Lauren shrugs as they come to a stop, “Probably not, my job has me busy enough as is.”

“Aren’t you a partner at the firm?” Camila asks. Lauren nods, and Camila smirks, “Dogs are great mood-boosters, you know.”

“Don’t propose that, I might take you seriously,” Lauren warns, taking a sip of her drink, “If I ever get in a serious relationship, then I’ll consider it again.”

“Are planning on pawning off dog responsibilities on your future significant other?” Camila asks. (And maybe she hears a little voice in the back of her head saying that she wouldn’t mind being the significant other that has to deal with the dog as long as she’s the significant other in the first place.)

“Maybe not  _ all of them _ , but some definitely.” Lauren smiles, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel as they come to another stop. “How are you, by the way?”

“I’m good!” Camila replies, “I’m excited to exchange gifts with the girls tonight. I’m also excited that you’re letting me sleep over because I don’t want to be around when Normani and Dinah are exchanging gifts.” She crinkles her nose at that and Lauren laughs.

“Why don’t they just go back to Mani’s?” Lauren asks, pulling into the beach parking lot.

“Apparently the walls are thinner there and Mani almost got kicked out or something,” Camila replies with a shrug. She looks around the beach, noticing that aside from a few stray cars, no one’s here. “Pretty dead today.”

“It’s ‘cause Floridians cringe when it’s below 60 outside. Makes me glad I spent three years in New York learning what cold is.” Lauren responds and parks. She turns off the car and grabs her drink and sunglasses, “Let’s go.”

Camila nods, grabbing her drink and banana before getting out of the car. She also makes sure to grab the gift - the wrapping paper is photos of bananas, a gag gift that Dinah put too much thought into and Camila loves too much.

Lauren grabs the old picnic blanket that they use out of the back of the car. It’s held together just barely with bad stitching (Lauren sucks at sewing, apparently) and patches of random fabric from old t-shirts. 

(“It’s  _ recycling _ ,” Lauren had told her when she asked about the random University of Central Florida logo on the blanket.)

Either way, the blanket is comfortable and a good enough barrier from the sand, so she’s not complaining.

She follows Lauren to a random spot on the sand where it’s starting to get more packed and they settle themselves, Camila with her food in her lap and the gift at her feet, Lauren opposite her with her drink in her hand and her gift in her lap.

“Alright,” Lauren stirs her drink with the straw, “Do you want to go first or me?”

Camila thinks for a second, not sure how her anxiety about this will fair either way, “Whatever you want.”

Lauren nods, taking the gift out of her lap and handing it to Camila, “Merry Christmas, Camz.”

She examines the gift for a second, noticing that it’s a relatively flat object. She carefully rips the wrapping paper off, making sure to not make too much of a mess being that they’re on a beach.

It’s a box, Camila thinks it might’ve held some kind of Apple device at some point but was painted to look otherwise, and Camila shimmies the top off. Inside, there’s a collection of drawings, all in dark pencil lines aside from one at the bottom. 

“I think that there’s ten drawings in there, all from random things. Some are just scribbles that ended up looking kind of cool and like some kind of aesthetic, but three of them are kind of cool.” Lauren explains, pointing at one of them, “That one’s a dog. I don’t draw them often so it’s kind of weird, but I know you mentioned wanting a German Shepherd, so, yeah,” her cheeks go red at the explanation, and Camila feels her heart leap a little bit, “the second one was actually a redrawing of a photo I saw at your apartment of you and Dinah. Figured she might like that and you two looked really happy in the photo. And the last one…”

Lauren points out the only one with color. It’s a thicker paper with watercolor paint splotches all over it, a face showing up in black pen, “That’s because you came out recently. You’re, you know, embracing your inner rainbow. So… yeah.”

Camila places the drawings back in the box before tackling Lauren in a hug, “I love it.” 

Lauren wraps her arms around Camila as well, “It’s nothing, Camz.”

“It’s not nothing, Lo,” Camila says, “It means a lot, I really love it.”

They pull away after another minute and Camila marvels at the drawings before closing the box and grabbing her own box and handing it over to Lauren.

She hands the package over to Lauren, watching as the older girl slips her finger underneath the flap on the wrapping rather than just rip it as Camila did. Camila’s breath hitches in her throat when Lauren pulls the top off of the box, revealing a 3-pack of Chapstick.

“You’re fucking with me,” Lauren says, looking at her.

“Only slightly,” Camila giggles, “your real present is below it.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, playfully retorting, “Is it more chapstick?”

“Yeah, I got you every flavor they had,” Camila deadpans, and Lauren laughs, taking the chapstick and putting it in her lap.

She stops completely for a second once she sees the gift, “Wait, Camz…”

Lauren gently picks up the necklace, the chain falling between her fingers as she looks at the crescent moon charm. 

“I didn’t spend more than you told me to spend on it, but even if I did, it would’ve been worth it. I mean like… look at you.” Camila says, feeling heat creep up her neck, “but, um, there’s kind of this idea behind the gift.”

Lauren looks at her and though she thinks that’d make her more anxious, all it does is calm Camila, “There’s this story of the sun and moon. It goes like… the sun and moon are together and the cycle happens because the moon loved the sun so much that it died every night to let the sun breathe. It’s a beautiful love story, and I remember thinking for the longest time when I was a teenager watching my idiot friends pine over each other that I wanted to feel that way - like I would give my life just to make someone happy.”

Camila looks at the charm again, “And… well, I’ve found that person. Meeting you was like… everything clicking into place. Even though it took me a while to figure it out. So… um, will you maybe go on a date with me?”

Lauren bites her lip and hugs Camila, and that in itself is enough of an answer for Camila.

(The quiet  _ yes  _ in her ear also helps, and she just holds Lauren tighter.)


End file.
